What people say and what they really mean

I like meeting interesting people

--> I am so desperate to meet someone, I'll meet anyone

Of course honey, you don't look fat

--> You look like someone Bill Clinton would want to hump

Your house is so...charming

--> It's rat hole! How the hell can you live here?

You are a real interesting and funny person

--> You are so boring that I want to cut off my arm just so I can hit you with it

Music is in my blood

--> My Dad was a Harmonium Salesman

or

--> My Dad was a guitar salesman


To me it's not about the money and fame, it's just about the music

--> I auditioned for Indian Idol

I love all kinds of music

--> Britney Spears is God

I love to read

--> I have only read The Da Vinci code and I loved it

I read anything I can get my hands on

--> Anything by Sidney Sheldon, Daniel Steel and Jackie Collins

I love reading autobiographies

--> I read Jenna Jameson's and Larry Flynt's books

I have eclectic taste in books

--> My bookshelf is full of cheap translated Scandinavian literature

I like mainstream books, I'm not an elitist

--> I only read books recommended by the Oprah Book Club

I don't like popular fiction

--> I have read and re-read Lord of the rings and Harry Potter

I only read books which uplift my soul

--> I only read self-help books

Books for me are like a journey

--> I love Mills & Boon

I give the book a rating of 1 out of 5

--> The author did not sign my copy of the book and did not pay for lunch

My book is not for everyone, it's a piece of art

--> My book is the biggest pile of monkeycrap anybody has ever written

Writing is a lost art

--> I wrote a book but no publisher was even ready to publish it even if I paid them

Modern Authors can't compare to Shakespeare and Blyton

--> I'm British

I am a big fan of the translated books of Rabindranath Tagore and Premchand

--> I have no clue who Arunadhiti Roy, Jhumpa Lahri and Salmam Rushdie are and I don't even care

Jhumpa Lahri limits herself to writing about expat Bengali families only

--> I can't get a visa to visit the US

Indian authors have a unique spin on life

--> No one writes about white people anymore

I have the hardcover special collectors edition of this book

--> Even though I haven't read the book, I do have more money than you which makes me more intelligent