Best news article EVER!!

This is the reason I can never be a journalist. I thought that the cheerleaders issue had died down. But, boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. Apparently, it's big enough to be picked up by Reuters. And even though they put it in their oddly enough section, the tone of the article is more serious than an eulogy at a state funeral. If I could have been able to write like this, I would be a rich, rich man.


The article begins with some great quotes by eminent Indian politicians, for example:

"The manner in which semi-clad girls keep shaking their limbs is in bad taste," Uddhav Thackeray, head of the hardline Hindu nationalist Shiv Sena party was quoted as saying in the Times of India.

Shaking your limbs!! Don't you just hate it when people do that? It's disgraceful, I tell you. An outrage. The nerve. God is going to damn them to hell for revealing their limbs like that.


The article also reveals some really important facts:

The sight of many foreign women and Indians dancing in high boots and skimpy shorts sparked anger from both Hindu nationalists, who opposed their open sexuality, and some leftist parties who said it crudely copied Western culture.

I am sure the hearts of Hindu "nationalists" and "leftist" parties would be warmed to know that they are on the same side. How dare the cheerleaders open their sexuality in the land of the Kamasutra? They should be arrested and sent back to the Western world full of immoral people having sex for fun. In India, people can only have sex to bear a male child. Otherwise it is a sin against Indian culture.

However, my favorite line from this article has to be:

The cheerleaders appeared at the match in less revealing outfits -- where there was once exposed cleavages, midriffs and thighs, there was now only skintight lycra.

Lets read that again. ...Where there was once exposed cleavages, midriffs and thighs ...This is real HARD hitting news. The amount of detail the reporter has provided us with is astonishing. Each and every exposed body part has been documented and mentioned separately. I'm sorry, not body parts, each and every limb has been mentioned separately.
......There was now only skintight lycra. Skintight Lycra. One last time. Skintight Lycra. I can never even in my wildest dreams be so articulate. This is just too good for words. The author of this article has to be a demi-God of journalism.


The article ends with the following paragraph:

But well-known cheerleaders from the Washington Redskins are still performing for the Bangalore Royal Challengers, and there have been no reports that they have toned down their performances.

Err..ummmm...ahem...... I hate to be a party pooper, but if this is true then WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT OF THE ARTICLE?

I am telling if this article does not win the Pulitzer prize, I am crying foul. Nothing can come close to it. Nothing. Thanks to google and it's targeted display of news items I was able to view this article and enrich my life forever. I shall now be able to die a happy man.