Myths & Truths

The UPA government needs to go. And fast.

Any government which thinks that China and Iran are our friends and the US needs to be told to bugger off, needs to stop smoking. Seriously.

Myth: China is a friend

Err... No. China is the major contributor to Pakistan's nuclear missiles (which are mainly developed for us ... to be used when we finally cross the LOC and finally obilerate those mother fucking terrorist camps.)

Also, China illegally occupies Aksai Chin and has not given up claim over the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh.

So having a friend like China is like having a neighbor, who, after receiving an invitation from you for dinner and drinks, comes in and then occupies the door between his house and yours and then keeps claiming the area around your bar.

To put it in terms Pranab Mukherjee would understand:

China is like Rasgullas made from milk contaminated with lead.

To put it in terms the general population of India would understand:

China is like Amrish Puri in Ghayal. They pretend to be our friend, but are actually the ones who kidnapped and kill our family members.

To put it in Terms Sonia Gandhi would understand:

China Bad .... Dragon .... Fire ... Boom .... Chicken Manchurian give stomachache


Myth: Iran is a Friend

Iran is not a friend. Iran is like the "crazy uncle" we all know and hate.

Iran is what would happen if China and Pakistan mated.

Iran would never support us in a war with China or Pakistan. Or even with Bangaldesh.

Hell, Iran won't even support us in a bad Tom Clancy novel.


Myth: The US is a enemy

This is bullshit. Horse Manure. Really? The world's only superpower, who is ready to give us civilian nuclear power and integrate us into the Missile Defense Shield to protect our countries from maniacs in Pakistan and China?

Of course, the US would look out for their interest. Are they stupid not too? However, what they offer us, benefits both the countries. It benefits India more. And it is in the interest of the United States to develop it's relationship with India.

It is in the interest of both the countries to jointly fight terrorism in South-East Asia (pakistan) and around the world. It is in the interest of both countries to curtail the negative influence of China in Africa. It is in the interest of both countries to work together to solve the twin crises of Global Warming and the upcoming global food shortage.

Ok, they made a mistake with Iraq. Well, they are paying for it aren't they? Even if they are paying their own companies .... they're still paying? .... It's the thought that counts.

The left parties should stop acting like it's 1970 and the cold war is still on. Hellloooooo? There is no Soviet Union, by the way (and the Vodka from Russia sucks). So it's time to stop playing the populist game and actually do something for the country. For once, stop acting like a bad haired version of Hugo Chavez.

See the thing is, America and India are, now, for all intents and purposes, in a relationship. And so what if it's a little gay? Sometimes they're on top, and sometimes we are. It's fine. And they keep ignoring Pakistan's request for a blow job. As long as they do that, we're good.

And we never do things they request us to do, which we don't want to. Like we did not send troops to Iraq because well, they were busy protecting Mayawati from terrorist threats. Nor did we vote against Iran. So, as our good "friend" Nehru would say, "Why the fuck are you getting your knickers in a knot?"

So stop labeling the United States as a bully. They can't bully us. Hell, thanks to George Bush, they can't even bully Canada, now-a-days.

So I'm asking the left parties, to stop acting like headless chickens (oh.. i'll go there ...) and for once stop the idiotic statements and do what's best for the nation. Stop giving those knee jerk reactions. And for the love of Sweet Corn Soup, instead of being loyal to China, be loyal to the country you live in, India. After 5 years of fucking up the nation, you owe us that much, don't you?

It's time our government stopped acting like the actors in RGV ki Aag and start behaving with some intelligence. I know it's a lot to ask, but we can try can't we? If they don't our life will turn into an endless repeat of a Himesh (I'm about to puke) Reshyamiya movie.