Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A dummy's guide to Slang Etiquettes

As requested by some of our readers, we have been asked to publish a guideline enumerating the the appropriate and in-appropriate usage of some slang words. We, at overated outcast, are always delighted to help the less gifted and the slightly retarded.

1. Babes

Origin: Teen serials on Indian Television

Usage of this word is a strict no-no. What can't you accomplish by saying the word
"babe" that you need to append an s to the end of the word? Are you out of your fucking "minds"?
Usage of this word makes it known to the world that you are an avid watcher of Indian teen serials and that the only thing you learned in Ms Briganza's English class was to idiotically pluralize words which are in Singular form.

Most people, when they use this, sound like a U.P. version of a valley girl.

It is never appropriate to use this word.

2. Bucks

Originally intended as a slang word for money. Derived from the phrase The buck stops here. (If you want more information, google it. Surprisingly, we are not wikipedia. Though we try.)

Appropriate usage:
"The bottle of Kingfisher costs 100 bucks".

Inappropriate usage:
"Babes, Can you lend me some bucks?" [ugh, kill us before saying that]

We recommenced using this word sparingly.

3. Lolzzzzz

This is usually used during im or text chat. We wonder why people need to
z everything?Are you a fucking bee? Isn't lol-ing enough? What purpose does zzz serve? The only thing it does is lame up the conversation. As lame as watching hindi news channels or eating pizzas at haldirams. Unless you laugh like a Hyena or talk like khali you do not need to add zzzzz to every fucking word.
A similar restraint is recommended for words like coolz, babesz, chillzzzz, friendzzzz .....

In case you are responding to a joke which is really funny, we suggest using
lmao or rotfl.

Not to overkill is the key here.

4. Shit

This is one of the most common word used in the English language. Most people who do not even know any word in English would still know the meaning of the word shit.
In today's day and age, it is unacceptable to use the word "shit" as an expression of anger, frustration or helplessness. It is usually now used to replace the word "stuff".

Appropriate usage:
"Damn!! Have you heard Snoop's new album? That shit is dope!!"

Inappropriate usage: "Oh Shit! The condom just broke!"

In case one wants to swear, we recommended the following:

- Dammit!! / God Damn!!
- Oh Crap!! / Holy Crap!!

- Jesus frikin Christ!!

- What the fuck (or the more popular acronym,
- Oh My God!! (in case you are a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fan)

5. Nerd \ Dork

Nerd & Dork have ceased to be insults. The last lot of people who were accused of being Nerds have either become the richest person in the world or opened their own hedge fund, married that trophy wife and purchased a house in Bermuda. To secure one's future, it is recommended that one refrain from name calling smart and intelligent people because one might find themselves working for those very same people one day.

In case you have a trust fund and can afford to harass/abuse the lab nerd, one might call them Dwight. This is based on the character Dwight Schrute in the US version of the office.

Eg: "Steve is such a Dwight, he'd rather sit home and watch star trek than get laid." [error intended]

6. Other Important Notes

In a corporate environment, we suggest the usage of the following words:

- Oh Darn !!
- Oh Golly !! [ under no circumstances should this sound effeminate. In case it does, drop it and say something stereotypically alpha-male like beer, girls or boobs immediately. ]
- Gosh Darnit [same as above]

Hopefully this helps all you deprived souls out there. We, as always, love to hear your questions & comments. Keep 'em coming.


Moo said...

Lolzzz...Thees is just tooo phunny. Babes, it's because of you that I know the appropriate slang. :P

Thankkooo haan!

Over Rated said...

rotfl, lmao ...Holy Crap!! tat was a funny comment!!

Firefoxcub said...

"Babes makes you sound like a UP version of a Valley GIrl." Perfectly put. I have friends who STILL say it.

Over Rated said...

STILL say it? And you still hang out with them? You must be a really good friend then!! :P :P

Firefoxcub said...

you know in this fucking FB and Orkut and MySpace era, how do you NOT hang out 'virtually' with all the fools you met in your life?

And I'm a great friend.

Over Rated said...

What I do is completely ignore any mail from orkut, refuse to participate in which serial killer are you contests on fb and completely deny that I have a my space account.

Also, the compare friend application tells me that as people prefer my friendship over a groin injury. So I guess I'm a pretty good friend too.

An Iengar Chick .... said...

This was a genuine kickass rofl post. Gee where have you been hidin' all this while.

refreshingly funny and reminded me of another blogger !