AAAAAAAARGH!

Seriously? What's wrong with people's CV's these days? Is there some kind of make-a-crappy-resume epidemic going around that I don't know about?

People have got to stop making their CV"s like a 5-year old retard child. I've read real classic lines in the CV.

(a) Participated in Sony-TV pro gramme Boggie Woogie in 20**. (Actual quote .. along with typos)

Really? How sad is your life if among your achievements you had to list a D-rated reality program? You think that impresses me? Even if you had a PhD from Harvard fucking university I would not hire you. In my mind, if any sane person agrees to voluntarily participate in a reality show, to be judged by such imminent personalities like Gangu Bai, and Raju Rickshawallah then dude, you need help. Immediate, don't-have-enough-time-to-even-blink, psychiatric help. And to put it on your resume, the document which helps others decide your capability in their organization, is murder. Career suicide. The only people who would actually employ you - Reality shows. So I guess that works out fine in the end.

(b) Looking for an organization which provides me growth
Listen, Dude, we're not Major League Baseball. We ain't here to provide you with Human growth hormone. We don't scan resumes and say "Hey this mofo is looking for growth ... We found our guy ...". So you wanna grow. Whoopti-fuckin-doo. Isn't everyone. Isn't that a given? Have you come across any person, who is not another the influence of and legal or illegal substance who actually goes "Nah!! I actuall want to work for a company which shrinks and loses money every year. Insert Smiley." No. Simply because most people want to succeed in thier career. Unless you work in a funeral parlor. Or for the government. (Same shit, dawg).
The last person who came with a resume which mentioned this line, I actually TORE the paper in front of him and stormed out of the room. So the court case notwithstanding, let it serve as a warning for future growth seekers. Thanks.

(c) Interests: Listen Music and read

Conversation 1:
Interviewer: So what kind of music do you like?
Candidate: I listen to lots of Hip and Hop.
Interviewer(after two minutes of squirming in his seat and rolling his eyes): Which artists?
Candidate: Vanilla Ice and Baba Sehgal.
Interviewer(texts his friend to kill him right now): And which was the last book you read?
Candidate: Chandamama ....

Conversation 2:
Interviewer: So what kind of music do you like?
Candidate: I listen to heavy rock and metal.
Interviewer(pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegodspleasegod): Which artists?
Candidate: Pink Floyd and Backstreet Boys.
Interviewer(looks at the candidate in amazement for five minutes): And which was the last book you read?
Candidate: The Day Vinci Code .... (not a typo, actual quote)
Interviewer(almost in tears): What is the story?
Candidate: Well, this guy dies and then this guy can read symbols and this french woman is Jesus's daughter........... and .....
Interviewer(cutting off candidate): Ummmm ... Thank you for your time, please don't call us. If and only if required, WE will get back to you.

(the conversations are self explanatory)

People, I have no problem with people who listen to Baba Sehgal while reading chandama and chomping on a bag of haldiram chips. All I ask is that you do not meet me. Ever. I have already been very close to a fucking nervous breakdown. And if you say you've read a book then fucking at least see the movie.

*The reason these questions were asked is because we required someone who had good communication skills and was able to engage in small talk with clients, in case anyone is still reading/wondering.