Saturday, August 16, 2008

India's foreign policy is like a bad Tom Clancy novel

I just don't get it when educated supposedly sane people say that India is going to become a "puppet" for the US. I mean, seriously, buddy, get your head examined.

I mean first you need to ask yourself why did you attend Sitaram Yechury's campaign meeting. Then you need to ask yourself a few questions. Like do you live in Canada or the United Kingdom? Does the main source of income for your country come from the world bank? Did the head of government of your country work at a McDonald's before taking up his current assignment? If the answer to all these questions is no, then you can stop selling your own blood and be assured that your government is not a puppet to the United States government. Or any of it's agencies.

For my fellow countrymen, even the ones who piss in their pants at the site of a blond, need to understand that it's impossible for a country like ours to become a rubber stamp government for any other country.

That is because (a) We are all grown up now and want to do our own thing on the world stage (b) Thanks to the Indian population in the UK, the whole world now knows that if you take our money or try to occupy us, we'll come into your country, make Chicken Tikka your national snack and turn your capital into an extended version of Karol Bagh.

So people who keep getting their knickers in a twist, relax. it's all good. It's not the 15th century that we outsource our government or the 1970s that we go batshit crazy over one superpower.

Whatever it's faults, we do have a sort of working democracy. The poor people vote for the government and the rich people run it. Nothing is more democratic, really. When we take steps that align us with the US on the world stage, we do that because it benefits us.

Some of our politicians want to side with China and Iran.

Do these people really think that, heaven forbid, if we have a war against Pakistan or somebody, are Iran or China going to help us? No. Iran has got it's own shit to deal with and China would be invading Arunachal Pradesh on the first opportunity.

From the Indian perspective, Russia has gone from former superpower to a psychologically distrubed bully, China & Pakistan want most of our territory and nobody really cares about Bangladesh. So we only got one friend in the playground who will not mind our cooties. Suprisingly, it's the US.

From the US perspectve, Russia is taking over Europe, China's taking over Africa, and Iran is driving everyone in the middle east nuts. So the only person whose ready to lend a shoulder to a lonely, crying America is, well, surprise surprise, India.

See? Our interests allign perfectly.

So why shoudn't we play scrabble with each other. And when we get bored, we can always get Israel to play with us. Though not for long because Israel gets real angry when it's pissed off. Yeah. Seriously. Ask poor Jordan and Egypt. Or Lebanon for that matter.

6 comments:

Manish said...

lolzzz....right said fred...
though i hate US, i believe having it as a close ally is the best bet for india as of now..
and trust me, chicken tikka HAS become the national snack of UK...fish n chips is history now...

ess said...

The fact remains that every country that has a chance to stab another's back will do it. It's just that right now, he US is the least likely. And god forbid tying up with China when they have no respect for us or our territory. The CPM really needs to wipe off the red paint on their rose coloured glasses

Mudra said...

LOL... Yeah, all very true...

Jhayu said...

the whole world now knows that if you take our money or try to occupy us, we'll come into your country, make Chicken Tikka your national snack and turn your capital into an extended version of Karol Bagh.

Priceless!!

Over Rated said...

manish: we really have no other choice really ... yeah .. fish and chips ain't gona be back until they figure out a way to mughlai-it.

ess: Right. The US ain't in a position to stab us right now. And let's face it, it's fun to hang out with the US. Our neighboring countries are so 6th century. For some of them, that's literally true.

mudra: Fact is funnier than fiction ... :P ...

jhayu: That's what's keeping China away ... for now ...

Avionic Spanker said...

brilliant brilliant write-up .. one more brilliant .. for additional emphasis

I really don't understand people crying abt allying with the US when Pak, China etc. are waiting for the first chance to screw our happiness

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