Friday, August 15, 2008

Independence Day: A Memo to part-time patriots

So anybody wanting to send me those emails and messages on 15th August proclaiming our country’s various achievements and telling me again that we invented the zero, I hereby save you a few keystrokes.

Don’t send it.

No, seriously.

It’s not worth it.

What I’m saying is, to all those people who become patriotic on 15th August, 26th January, and whenever we beat Pakistan in cricket. Thanks but no thanks. I ain’t a fan.

Nope. Not at all.

Yes. All those people who are finally able to fight their hangover and send across “We’re the best country in the world. Duh” messages which reek of delusional and schizophrenia, need to, well for want of a better word, chill.

Yes. Wake up and smell the cup of cutting chai. We’re not number 1. We’re far from it.

We need to lose our delusions of grandeur that we have. We need to stop acting like the oppressed. We got the British to leave 61 years ago. Shit happens. Get over it, bitch.

What we need is a reality check. Someone who doesn’t fall victim to our politicians pandering and refuses to drink our jingoistic national kool aid. Someone who helps us overcome our collective national addiction to whatever mixture of superiority/inferiority complex we have.

The first step is admitting it.

So we need to admit that inside our little Indian hearts, somewhere, we know the truth. We know that we’re really not better off than the Americans. Or the French. Maybe we’re better off than the Algerians. The Nepalese maybe. Though I think we're definitely better than those suckers in Georgia. Anyways, the point here is that, we need to stop rationalizing everything that happens in our country.

We also need to realize that, to quote one of my favorite comedians, that our country suffers from fuck up fatigue.

Yes. Things are so bad most of the time, that when another fucked up event happens, we go Yeah, what ya gonna do?

And that my friends is, well, fucked up.

We need to stop thinking that we are morally superior to the rest of the world. That our country has “values”. Yeah, following some traditions that were started in the 14th century does not equal having values. In our country, we don’t have “values”, we have suppression. We suppress our children and impose our code of conduct on them and call it values. It’s not values, its child abuse. Not letting young adults choose who they want to marry is suppression. Imposing and expecting children to adhere to everything their elders say is slavery.

We get all haughty and smug when a kid of Indian origin wins some godforsaken spelling bee contest in the US. Though our own kids can’t even spell ostentatious correctly . (Even I can’t spell it. Thank the lord for spell (spel? dunno..oops..) check. Yeah, baby.)

We make fun of people of all races, sometimes the humor bordering on mental harassment, yet we are scandalized when someone calls Shilpa Shetty “Poppadum”. Wtf, right?

All I’m sayin is that please spare me the histrionics. I got better things to do.

Like get drunk to celebrate muh freedom, mentally undress other people (trying to be ostentatious, y’all) and then text everyone I know that this is the besttest country in the whole wide world. Go India!!!



Jhayu said...

Nicely put, my friend. I hate the idiots who wear paper flags on their chests and sleeves on 15th August and 26th Jan. Surprisingly, though, I got none of those "Look! Zero! We did that!" mails this year. Woo the hoo! Looks like this country is finally getting somewhere.

Over Rated said...

Wow. Really? You're lucky. I got a few from people who were giddy that India finally won a gold medal. I mean c'mon, who really cares about the Olympics? Some swimmer dude got 11 just for showin up.

Nutee's said...

hahaha well i really love ur posts on politics ... ok so most of them are on politics or atleas take a dig at it ...
u know i have just observed is tht we talk about the Zero yooohhoooo phenomenon when we are wither huddled up together or when we are put against the wall by a foriegner....
i have travelled half way across the globe and i think we still act like tht little meek rat who looks insignificant but bites away someone elses pie .. hey i dont have anyting against but hey thts the way world works ...
in india on a more urban level o we even realise wht this country is truely .. wht are the true values this country hold true and are we living in an evironment where everyone holds them dear and abides by it .. i mean come on the day i speak up about a local MLA's misdoing i m sure i'll be beaten up and probabay killed ..... i wont say we need a wake up call , we all know this .. itsjust tht we dont have the balls to speak up about it ... i mean come on who'll risk their lives ??
we talk abuot humanitarian issues and protecing dogs but hey gives a dmn about ll those people who are starving to death ... more over about the olympics i m sure i cant even rememeber tht dude's name who won us a silver medal in the last olympics .... seriously wht was the name ???
u kow most of us like to live in our own dream vision of the world and its not just us its the way poeple all over the world work ... i m sure in america noo body even knows where iran is ...
We as people who can think and understand things and have an opinion got to do sumthing .. but oh my gosh i m goin to miss my 8.20 local to churchgate ... ( puff all this talk is forgoten !!!! )

Jhayu said...

Ha! That gold is really driving us crazy. Even DD insists, every three odd minutes to flash up this little box in the bottom left hand corner showing:

Country Gold Silver Bronze
China 21 15 18
USA 18 19 23
India! 1 0 0

I'm so proud of us! We namba wan!!!!

Over Rated said...

nutee: i hear ya dude, nice rant .. hope you caught your train .. :P ..

jhayu: I didn't know DD likes Irony .... Maybe those babus need to stop reading the New Yorker?
As for China, *coughunderagegymnaystcough* .

We namba wan .. that's a type of sushi, right??