Are you there Hillary? It's us, the Indian media . . .

The US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton is on a three day visit to India. Or as the media would have you believe, HILLARY CLINTON TO MOVE TO INDIA.

As usual, since EVERYONE got to interview her, each channel branded their interview as an "exclusive". They even managed to ask the same questions.

Specially about the biggest MYSTERY that surrounds the India-US relationship:

Are we still hyphenated?

Did you dehyphenate us again?

C'mon, good woman tell us, WHAT'S THE STATUS OF THE HYPHENATION?

The last time I saw so many people obsess about a dash was when artist Dash Snow passed on to the big orgy in the sky. By the end of it all, Hillary flipped them the bird and was like Why don't you mofos Hyphenate this?

There were other brilliant questions too. Noted journalist and blog hater Barkha Dutt asked Ms. Clinton to reaffirm her LOVE for India.

WTF was that? What are we, jilted lovers? Blow job buddies? When did we start dating America? And FYI, isn't he a little too old for us? We already had a bad experience when we dated the late Soviet Union? Can we stop with the dating old people now? Last time I checked, our country wasn't a playboy playmate.

Hillary also attended a town hall along with Arnab Goswami and Aamir Khan. There was so much ego in that room, if Neil Armstrong had gone back, he would have seen it from the moon. Also, what was Aamir Khan doing there? When did he become a government official? When did we elect him? Can anyone even pee in this country without involving someone from bollywood?

Oh, don't forget the pandering by all our "respected" journalists. Most of the conversation can be summed up by the following:

"ZOMG, are you for real? Are you made of taffy? We really LUURRRRVE YOU!! And your HUSBAND, PRESIDENT HORNDOG! He was such a ladykiller!! And we miss seeing George Bush smile like a smug asshole!!! We miss calling him an evil basted with such profound affection!! Oh, and by the way, say hi to your boss, President Hopey!! ALSO, DID WE MENTION WE LURRRRVE YOU? And please CAN YOU TOUCH OUR HAND? PLEASE???? PRETTY PLEASE?????"

Someone managed to sneak in a real question and asked her about what she would do after the Obama administration would have completed their mandate of healing the world in about eight years? She said she might retire. Even though we all know she's going to run for President in 2016 because the only Republican left by that time would be Meghan McCain . And all Megan wants to do is become President of Twitter.

Although, to be fair to our media, no one asked her even a single question about Michael Jackson.

Suck on that, Larry King.

Later, after almost calling off her trip when she found out that no restaurant in Delhi had named a item on the menu after her like they did for Slick Willie and future world leader Chelsea, she managed to keep-it-together and meet environment minister and noted elitist, Jairam Ramesh. They both bonded over their commitment to climate change and their mutual love for old-school lesbian haircuts.

If this is how the media reacted to Hillary's visit, they really are going to go more batshit crazy when President Messiah visits next year, aren't they?

I can already imagine all the questions about dal and keema.

Sigh.