Monday, July 6, 2009

Sarah Palin quits as Governor to make her children mooseburgers for breakfast everyday

While all of you on this side of the pacific were spending your weekend having the kind of sex which would anger the Pope and might still be illegal in 27 states, the world was watching, with bemused horror, how the hockey Mom from Alaska used a baseball analogy to resign from her "job" as Governor of Alaska.

She did that because she wanted to make a real difference.  Because being chief executive of a state is really not the place to make real policy difference.

That's not even the crazy part.



Basically, she says that since she's not a quitter, she's quitting so that she could better help the state she is currently the chief executive for. And even that's not the crazy part.

Her speech (literally from the horse's mouth) consists of 18 exclamation marks and still does not have an actual point. However, my favourite part of the speech is this:

May we all learn from them!

*((Gotta put First Things First))*

First things first: as Governor, I love my job and I love Alaska.

Oh Sarah, you truly are the bestest. This woman makes the fourth-grade level speeches George Bush gave seem kinda Presidential.

Now, people throw around the word "victim" a lot. (Specially those people who read books about neo-spirituality and act all happy and shit really early in the morning. I mean, WTF is wrong with you crazy fucks?) However, if there was anybody who could be used as the poster child for being a "victim", then it is the Wicked Witch of Wasilla, Sarah Palin. has made a career of playing victim. Whether it is feuding with David Letterman over a silly joke or blaming Barack Obama for bloggers who are allegedly badmouthing her, she plays victim to the tee. This woman exemplifies the present day conservative movement in America. The take-no-responsibility for your actions, find a straw man to blame for all the mistakes you make, make fun of people who read anything other than the bible, deny global warming crowd. This is the kind of people who define conservatism today. The holier-than-thou sanctimonious idiots who blame hurricanes on everything from abortion to same-sex unions. These people are so further away from the truth, that one imagines which planet they really inhabit.

The GILF has now quit every elected office that she has held, including previously when she was mayor and when she was resigned as a member of the Alaska Oil and Gas commission to run for Lt. Governor. She and her supporters like to romanticize actions like this by saying that she is a "maverick". Looks like being a maverick in the republican playbook means quitting. Even the original GOP maverick, John McCain, "suspended" his campaign to handle a "crisis".

It takes a lot to be the looniest Governor in a party which has such thought leaders like Mark Sanford and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Never mind that most of the recent attacks on her have been from people in her own party, she nevertheless didn't falter in blaming the liberal media and democratic "writers" for her decreased job satisfaction, the wolf-hunter is now going to sue everybody on the internet who tries to expose her lack of any ethics or any live brain cells. Yes, because to get people to stop talking about something, you ask your cheap-ass lawyer to threaten them. (Please see everbody else who tried that before you to see how that usually works out.)

There are many competing theories as to why did she go all mavericky and quit in such a hastily called press conference. The only thing anyone is sure of is that the train wreck called Sarah Palin is just getting started and that there is so much more to come.

It might have come from Wassila, but it's not going back there any time soon.

You betcha!

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