Fatima Bhutto wants Obama to give Zardari a wedgie and other stories

**WARNING: This blog post contains language and issues which the Indian censor board deems inappropriate for kids below the age of 30. Please read at you own risk. Reading this post might cause you to suddenly start having illicit sex and committing sodomy. Have fun, though.**

Pakistan's favourite fornicating feudal family, the Bhuttos, are at it again. While Fatima Bhutto's estranged uncle and Pakistani President, the one she accuses of murdering her father, takes his act on his new "We're more poor than those darn slumdog kids" international road show in which he is accompanied by the bi-curious Bilawal Bhutto, Fatima vents by "writing" for the Daily Beast pretending to be Pakistan's answer to glorified Presidential candidate daughter, Meghan McCain. I say "writing" because everyone knows that Fatima has one of her man-slaves write down the article and send it across to the daily beast while she and the rest of her harem beat the summer heat by spending all afternoon in the hamam. Just like Arriana Huffington.

Buxoming her journalistic credentials, Fatima lets everyone know that Pakistan has nuclear capabilities, which she explicity says that is not a surprise. Other obvious facts she states is that Pakistan is run by a corrupt government that essentially voted itself into power.  Oh nos. In the article she also equates Obama with other war criminals and to paraphrase, she says that "Jihaaaaaaad" is the Pakistani version of "Wasssssssup". At least that's what I think she says. You know what's scary? There are things that are obvious to even the daily beast's resident South Asian bimbo, but not to the Obama administration.

To be fair, at least she doesn't make you puke by talking about Republicans having sex.

Now try to get that image out of your head. Ha!

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Indonesian clerics want to issue a fatwa against facebook because they think that playing scrabolous and answering retarded quizzes leads to illicit sex. Clearly, they have it wrong. I mean if anyone spends most of their day on facebook, it's obvious that the only sex they are having is with their hand or other electronic objects. Also, it's strange coming from the Indonesian clerics. They embraced technology when they used it to meet all four of their underage wives through eHarmony.

Also, I think they if they really want to ban facebook, coming up with an application titled "Which fun thing do you want us to ban next?" is not the way to go about it.

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This video is only half-funny.

 

Don't look at me like that. You would have watched it NO MATTER what I would have said. Research shows that people who read this blog will watch ANYTHING.

Now go play a quiz on facebook. You might get laid tonight and/or destroy your sanity.

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By the by, Facebook addiction is under no CIRCUMSTANCE to be confused with twitter addiction. The latter is one of the most intelligent forms of discourse. Unless of course, one is following Oprah.

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Despite hitting the airwaves recently for introducing the world to ultra-talented ugly duckling Susan Boyle, and showing us the white version of the Obama-ears disease, Britain might be downgraded from it's currently much desired and practically useless AAA credit rating. As Winston Churchill would say before drowning himself in cigars and whiskey because he really missed his childhood boyfriend Victor, that is absolutely ghastly.

Also, you know that a country is on a path to self-destruction when it VOLUNTARILLY hangs out with Paris Hilton. I think they just don't care anymore. Sad.

Do you think this would be a bad time to ask them to return the Kohinoor? Not trying to be rude here, but it's been sixty years. It's time they return what belongs to us. Maybe we might then think about saving them from bankruptcy?

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I realize that this post does make a lot of references about people committing sodomy and enjoying it. To allay all your fears, some of my best friends are homophobic.

Does that help?

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Rejoice all you dynasty enablers. We finally have a new government. And unlike all those non-believers who were predicting a hung parliament and loads and loads of donkey-trading (I think donkey trading goes better with a hung parliament, doesn't it? Actually, only if the parliament is well hung. Jesus, just sayin.) I always knew that it was going to be a strong man-date.

Ooooopps. I mean mandate. Sorry.

Please remember: best friends = homophobic.

Whew! That was a close shave.

Okay, I didn't really know anything, and unlike the talking heads on Teevee I don't get paid a gazzilion bucks to be wrong, so I'll come right out and tell you that I just wanted to fit in another gay joke.

Hey, it's not like it's illegal or anything. I mean, c'mon. It's 2009. Who really bothers about stuff like this?

They do?

Uh-oh.

I'll tell you the same thing I told my parents years ago when they found me passed out outside our house for the *first* time.

 

SOMEONE SPIKED MY DRINK.