By our correspondent for affairs of crazy-ass countries
ISLAMABAD, April 26: Today, the Pakistani President, Asif Ali Zardari declared that he would hand over the keys to one half of his Presidential palace to the leader of the Pakistani Taliban, Mullah Sakbk Omar.
He said that just by giving him two out of three floors of his living quarters does not mean that he is surrendering. "On the contrary, they now seemed settled and are quite enjoying themselves. Why, just yesterday I saw them shooting at, what used to be, my plasma TV. I had to convince them not to feed my laptop to their goats by showing them my large collection of Sarah Palin photos. Although, that angered them and they have asked me not to come down to their quarters anymore otherwise they will kill me. Small compromise. That's what relationships are about, aren't they? So now I get myself airlifted everytime I need to leave the palace. After all, the army and the air force is not doing much these days. So I might as well put them to some use".
The United States government and members of the European Union warned that the Pakistani government is abdicating it's responsibility to it's people by ceding more and more territory to the Taliban.
Senior Pakistani government officials dismissed the warnings of the international community as paranoia. Bilawal Zardari, son of slain former Prime Minister Bhutto and Presidnt Zardari, said that the Pakistani government is standing by it's people. "They might stand by and watch them getting flogged, looted and raped, but at least they are there for them. As I learned at Oxford, it's the thought that counts".
He was then seen providing PM Geelani with details on the types of food his pet Chihuahua is allergic too. Foreign Minister Shah Mahmood Quereshi was dispatched with a brown bag to take Bilawal's "little angel" for a walk around Islamabad.