Thursday, November 13, 2008
This is just not fair, Mr President-Elect. You just sucked the fun out of Presidential press conferences. You did not fumble when you spoke, you did not invent any new words, your short speech did not sound like something an awkward fourth-grader would say. The words you used had the G's at the end intact. You pronounced nuclear as, nuclear. Hell, you even completed your sentences.
In fact, you appeared to know your shit. You have nuanced positions on certain issues, for crying out loud.
This is completely unacceptable and has to change. Look, we cheered for you. Kenya had an orgasm when you won. The British dropped their plate of spotted dick (it's a food item, you pervert) as soon as they heard. The Chinese opened up some lead-infested dog food to feed some of it's rural workers, in your honor. A few Russians stopped hitting their wives for a while to see CNN declare you the winner over that 200 year old man and that professional infomercial saleswoman.
So, you need to give us our comic relief.
Look, for the past eight years, it has been easy for the rest of the world to see your current President and feel good about ourselves. No matter how fucked up our own leaders were, just having them stand next to that dumb fuck from Texas made them appear statesmen-like. Americans felt inadequate and apologetic whenever they were overseas. We had a good laugh at them, even though orphans in our countries were dying. I mean, who cares about the poor when you have the so called leader of the free world cannot say anything coherent?
You had to win and ruin it all. Thanks to you, being intelligent is cool again. When you held that press conference, it was like listening to adults have a serious and constructive conversation. Where is the fun in that?
Damn you, Mr President-Elect.
I don't speak for everybody, but some of us are going to miss President Numb Nuts.
Although, my third eye tell me that there is someone on the horizon who is going to make things right again. You betcha!!