Thursday was the big debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. Although pundits called the debate a draw, Sarah Palin proved to the world that she is ready to lead. Ready to lead the next season of Sesame Street.
I'm not saying she was bad at the debate, but her brother, the teacher of a third grade class in an elementary school in Alaska, gave her an "F".
Closer home, the Tata's moved their Nano project from Singur, thanks to the protests led by Ms Mamta Baneerjee. In fact, while the Tata's are welcomed to other states with a red carpet of cheap real estate and tax cuts, Ms Banerjee still remains in a state of denial.
India and the US are finally going to sign the nuclear deal. The left is still visibly upset. In fact, today Prakash Karat withdrew support for his wife's new dressing table and everytime a reporter on any news channel mentions the nuclear-power deal, Sitaram Yechury does a tequila shot.
Nokia is about to release it's real answer to the iPhone. In fact, not only does the new nokia phone have all the bells and whistles the iPhone has, it also does your taxes, sends your girlfriend flowers everytime you screw up and finds you an empty parking spot during peak hours. In fact, the Sarah Palin edition of the phone even detects and kills witches withing a three mile radius.
Health minister Ramados is happy that his nationwide smoking ban is now in place. He says his next target is alcohol. This is all part of his "Suck all the fun out of life" strategy.
Showing posts with label loose ends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loose ends. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Loose Ends
According to new reports, they have finally translated what is believed to be the world's oldest joke.
Unfortunately, it was about Senator John McCain being old.
Speaking of McCain, he recently joked about killing millions of Iranians with cigarettes.
He followed it up with a funny anecdote about roasting gay people.
Then, suddenly the sky opened up and lightning struck him. Twice.
McCain also recently ran an add which compared Obama with Britney and Paris Hilton.
When quizzed about it he said "Nicole Ritchie was busy".
The McCain campaign also accused Obama of being presumptuous about his victory. .
When asked about it, the Obama campign said "That is no way to talk about the next President"
A pakistani wrestler has challenged the "Great" khali to a match.
Khali responded to the challenge by saying ...er..ummm... something.Our research team is still working on cracking it. We might have a response in the next few months.
Unfortunately, it was about Senator John McCain being old.
Speaking of McCain, he recently joked about killing millions of Iranians with cigarettes.
He followed it up with a funny anecdote about roasting gay people.
Then, suddenly the sky opened up and lightning struck him. Twice.
McCain also recently ran an add which compared Obama with Britney and Paris Hilton.
When quizzed about it he said "Nicole Ritchie was busy".
The McCain campaign also accused Obama of being presumptuous about his victory. .
When asked about it, the Obama campign said "That is no way to talk about the next President"
A pakistani wrestler has challenged the "Great" khali to a match.
Khali responded to the challenge by saying ...er..ummm... something.Our research team is still working on cracking it. We might have a response in the next few months.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Loose Ends
Harbhajan Singh has a new theme song: Slap my Bitch up .....
After he was seen crying so much on TV, Srisanth has landed a new sponsor, Pampers.
After the Bhaji-Sri row, now Ganguly and Warne have started trading verbal barbs.
When he heard about it, Harbhajan Singh said These guys are all talk and no balls!
Amy Winehouse's father wants to put her in a mental institution. Wow!! I'm sure nobody saw this coming.
If she doesn't go, at least we know what her next song is going to be about.
Amy Winehouse was recently released on a charge of slapping an onlooker. She was let go because it was one of those few times she was sober.
Q: What profession would the offspring of Amy Winehouse and Harbhajan Singh excel in?
A: Slapstick Comedy
Sonia Gandhi gave a speech on Monday saying that there is no place for violence in politics in a democracy. Then Raj Thackrey stood up and gave the rebuttal.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh yesterday criticized and blamed the global financial crisis on the bad handling of the financial sector in developed economies like the US. To which President Bush replied Thank you, Captain Obvious ...
In fact the economy is so bad in the US these days that former NY governor Elliot Spitzer was only able to spend $500 on prostitutes this month.
Hillary Clinton recently liked herself to Rocky recently. Not to be outdone, John McCain in a speech yesterday likened himself to the Disney Character, Old Yeller.
The movie Tashan has flopped so bad, that everytime Shahid Kapoor sees a poster or a promo of the movie, he gets an orgasm.
The "great" Khali is coming to India. Therefore, I'm leaving.
If I wanted to listen to a big, stupid oaf talk in an incomprehensible language, I'd watch a Sharad Pawar interview.
Khali is what would happen if Snoop Dogg and Jaspal Bhatti mated.
The Indian health minister, Dr Ramados recently said that hindi movies should not show actors either drinking alcohol or eating potato chips. It's all part of his new India is my fat, alcoholic teenage son campaign.
In response to his statement, censor board chief Sharmila Tagore released a statement asking Ramados to concentrate on his real job. She then went back inside the studio to be the judge for a reality show.
In a recent statement US Secretary of State Condolezza Rice said that the global food shortage was due to the improved diets of people in India and China. She also said that George Bush is a genius who is not appreciated in his own time, that Dick Cheney has a heart of gold, and the US is winning the war in Iraq. She then said that she is celebrating 4/20 a little late.
Major telephone operators slashed their long distance call rates this week. Great!! Now you can ignore your relatives at a cheaper rate.
After he was seen crying so much on TV, Srisanth has landed a new sponsor, Pampers.
After the Bhaji-Sri row, now Ganguly and Warne have started trading verbal barbs.
When he heard about it, Harbhajan Singh said These guys are all talk and no balls!
Amy Winehouse's father wants to put her in a mental institution. Wow!! I'm sure nobody saw this coming.
If she doesn't go, at least we know what her next song is going to be about.
Amy Winehouse was recently released on a charge of slapping an onlooker. She was let go because it was one of those few times she was sober.
Q: What profession would the offspring of Amy Winehouse and Harbhajan Singh excel in?
A: Slapstick Comedy
Sonia Gandhi gave a speech on Monday saying that there is no place for violence in politics in a democracy. Then Raj Thackrey stood up and gave the rebuttal.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh yesterday criticized and blamed the global financial crisis on the bad handling of the financial sector in developed economies like the US. To which President Bush replied Thank you, Captain Obvious ...
In fact the economy is so bad in the US these days that former NY governor Elliot Spitzer was only able to spend $500 on prostitutes this month.
Hillary Clinton recently liked herself to Rocky recently. Not to be outdone, John McCain in a speech yesterday likened himself to the Disney Character, Old Yeller.
The movie Tashan has flopped so bad, that everytime Shahid Kapoor sees a poster or a promo of the movie, he gets an orgasm.
The "great" Khali is coming to India. Therefore, I'm leaving.
If I wanted to listen to a big, stupid oaf talk in an incomprehensible language, I'd watch a Sharad Pawar interview.
Khali is what would happen if Snoop Dogg and Jaspal Bhatti mated.
The Indian health minister, Dr Ramados recently said that hindi movies should not show actors either drinking alcohol or eating potato chips. It's all part of his new India is my fat, alcoholic teenage son campaign.
In response to his statement, censor board chief Sharmila Tagore released a statement asking Ramados to concentrate on his real job. She then went back inside the studio to be the judge for a reality show.
In a recent statement US Secretary of State Condolezza Rice said that the global food shortage was due to the improved diets of people in India and China. She also said that George Bush is a genius who is not appreciated in his own time, that Dick Cheney has a heart of gold, and the US is winning the war in Iraq. She then said that she is celebrating 4/20 a little late.
Major telephone operators slashed their long distance call rates this week. Great!! Now you can ignore your relatives at a cheaper rate.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Loose Ends 4.0
So Barack Obama is getting as much bad press as Hillary Clinton. Needless to say, he is bitter.
Obama's favorite tongue twister:
Betty bought a bit of butter ... The bit of butter was bitter ....
Yesterday, Obama received an endorsement from Bruce Springsteen. When quizzed about it, voters in Pennsylvania said "We're still waiting to hear from Sanjaya".
Hillary Clinton labeled Obama as an elitist due to his "bitter" remarks. She made this statement while on her way to a $50,000 per plate fundraiser.
Meanwhile, John McCain called the people in Wall Street "greedy". Although he did add "...unless you're a republican. In that case you are just ambitious."
********
So George Bush went to receive the Pope at the airport. When asked about it, the president said that "He really wanted to meet the guy they named those eggs after".
There was this moment of awkwardness when Bush asked the pope about the wife and kids.
It was good that President Bush took time out from his busy schedule to pick up the Pope from the airport. I mean even though it's the fag end of his term, he keeps himself busy. I mean, the 24 set DVD set containing all the seasons of are you smarter than a fifth grader are not going to watch themselves.
Of course, when you think about it, Bush and the Pope have so much in common. One is a strict religious man with empty beliefs with continuing decrease in popularity and the other is the pope.
When the president and the pope came face to face with the protesters, the protesters got confused. They didn't know whom they hated more.
When the Pope landed in New York city, he said that he wanted to see all the sites in New York, like central park, the museum of natural history and Donald Trump's hair.
The Pope gave a very emphatic speech about the temptations of the flesh and the sanctity of marriage. And that was just to the Governor of New York!!
********
Snoop Dogg is now coming out with books for little children. The following titles are scheduled to be released:
(a) Cinderella's Fella
(b) Hump Gretel
(c) Horton's ho'
(d) Snowhite blows the seven dwarfs
********
Arjun Singh was recently hit on the knuckles by her highness for suggesting that the regent Dr Singh make way for the crown prince, Rahul Gandhi. Me thinks it's time to send old yeller to the farm. Or in this case, make him a governor.
Arjun Singh does not talk to his wife much. She's very reserved.
*******
Obama's favorite tongue twister:
Betty bought a bit of butter ... The bit of butter was bitter ....
Yesterday, Obama received an endorsement from Bruce Springsteen. When quizzed about it, voters in Pennsylvania said "We're still waiting to hear from Sanjaya".
Hillary Clinton labeled Obama as an elitist due to his "bitter" remarks. She made this statement while on her way to a $50,000 per plate fundraiser.
Meanwhile, John McCain called the people in Wall Street "greedy". Although he did add "...unless you're a republican. In that case you are just ambitious."
********
So George Bush went to receive the Pope at the airport. When asked about it, the president said that "He really wanted to meet the guy they named those eggs after".
There was this moment of awkwardness when Bush asked the pope about the wife and kids.
It was good that President Bush took time out from his busy schedule to pick up the Pope from the airport. I mean even though it's the fag end of his term, he keeps himself busy. I mean, the 24 set DVD set containing all the seasons of are you smarter than a fifth grader are not going to watch themselves.
Of course, when you think about it, Bush and the Pope have so much in common. One is a strict religious man with empty beliefs with continuing decrease in popularity and the other is the pope.
When the president and the pope came face to face with the protesters, the protesters got confused. They didn't know whom they hated more.
When the Pope landed in New York city, he said that he wanted to see all the sites in New York, like central park, the museum of natural history and Donald Trump's hair.
The Pope gave a very emphatic speech about the temptations of the flesh and the sanctity of marriage. And that was just to the Governor of New York!!
********
Snoop Dogg is now coming out with books for little children. The following titles are scheduled to be released:
(a) Cinderella's Fella
(b) Hump Gretel
(c) Horton's ho'
(d) Snowhite blows the seven dwarfs
********
Arjun Singh was recently hit on the knuckles by her highness for suggesting that the regent Dr Singh make way for the crown prince, Rahul Gandhi. Me thinks it's time to send old yeller to the farm. Or in this case, make him a governor.
Arjun Singh does not talk to his wife much. She's very reserved.
*******
Friday, April 11, 2008
Loose Ends
Republican presidential candidate, John McCain is looking for a running mate. Yeah, the running mate needs a few important qualifications, knowledge of the econ0omy, foreign affairs and the ability to conduct constant prostate examinations.
******
British citizens were warned by their dental health organization not to come to India for cheap dental treatment. Boy, you know you dental care sucks if even the British are criticizing it. I mean have you even seen the queen's teeth? No wonder her husband calls her cabbage affectionately. It reminds him of the piece of cabbage that got stuck between her teeth when she was 14.
******
Madonna is now keen to adopt a child from India.
Our sources have revealed the name of the adopted child ...... Shipla Shetty.
Not to be outdone, Angelina Jolie has announced that she will adopt the country of Bangladesh.
******
The boyband from yesteryear, New Kids on the block, have reunited. However, keeping their age in mind thier band has been renamed to New Kids on the Assisted Living Block.
******
Rahul Gandhi is currently on a Discover India tour. That man is smart. If the congress loses the next election, he can go to work making documentaries for National Geographic.
You know who else went on a mission to discover India? Christopher Columbus. Well, we all know how swell that turned out.
******
Yana Gupta is now going to sing a rap song ...
I really feel sorry for the 5 people who will actually hear the song ...
******
Shah Jahan's dagger has been sold for 13 crore rupees.
In fact the only other artifact to survive from Shah Jahan's time is actor AK Hangal.
The guy who bought the dagger also received a marrige proposal from Heather Mills-McCartney.
Forbes just announced the new methodology used to grade the world's richest people for their annual list. It'll be divided into two sections. Section A will be people who can afford to marry Heather Mills and section B will be people who cannot.
******
******
British citizens were warned by their dental health organization not to come to India for cheap dental treatment. Boy, you know you dental care sucks if even the British are criticizing it. I mean have you even seen the queen's teeth? No wonder her husband calls her cabbage affectionately. It reminds him of the piece of cabbage that got stuck between her teeth when she was 14.
******
Madonna is now keen to adopt a child from India.
Our sources have revealed the name of the adopted child ...... Shipla Shetty.
Not to be outdone, Angelina Jolie has announced that she will adopt the country of Bangladesh.
******
The boyband from yesteryear, New Kids on the block, have reunited. However, keeping their age in mind thier band has been renamed to New Kids on the Assisted Living Block.
******
Rahul Gandhi is currently on a Discover India tour. That man is smart. If the congress loses the next election, he can go to work making documentaries for National Geographic.
You know who else went on a mission to discover India? Christopher Columbus. Well, we all know how swell that turned out.
******
Yana Gupta is now going to sing a rap song ...
I really feel sorry for the 5 people who will actually hear the song ...
******
Shah Jahan's dagger has been sold for 13 crore rupees.
In fact the only other artifact to survive from Shah Jahan's time is actor AK Hangal.
The guy who bought the dagger also received a marrige proposal from Heather Mills-McCartney.
Forbes just announced the new methodology used to grade the world's richest people for their annual list. It'll be divided into two sections. Section A will be people who can afford to marry Heather Mills and section B will be people who cannot.
******
Friday, April 4, 2008
Loose Ends
India's agriculture minister, Mr Sharad Pawar has said that there is a shortage of wheat because people in the south are having more chappitis than they used to.
Pawar also said that people in the north-east are putting too much salt in their lemonade, the citizents of Delhi have started to use too much sugar in their tea, and that the Bhang in Benaras is not what it used to be.
*******
Cuba's government will now allow it's citizens to have mobile phones. Great, once that works out they will talk about Indoor plumbing and heated food.
*******
The Hillary Clinton campaign has unveiled their new slogan: Duck!!
Not to be outdone, Barack Obama's campaign has released a statement in which they say that if the senator wins the white house, he will bring make congress pass a bill which will make a special day to be known as Crazy Pastor Day.
*******
There is this whole war of words between MNS on behalf of Nana Patekar and Jharkhand's CM on behalf of Tanushree Dutta. Also, Karnataka and Tamil Nadu are at odds again.
And you though the IPL would divide the country!!
*******
The screw ups at heathrow's new terminal have been so bad ..... even the people at the Patna airport are like "C'mon" ....
*******
The way The Indian government have been bending over backwards for the Chinese government, it seems like the government has been outsourced to General Mussharaf.
*******
Last night, I saw Sonali Bendre as a judge in a reality show. She was actually giving people tips for a successful career ... And I was like ..... How does she know? ........
I'm not saying that Sonali Bendre's career was unsuccessful but she got more coverage for being invited to the Abhi-Ash wedding than she got in her whole career.
This is really stretching the word "Reality" ..init?
*******
Pawar also said that people in the north-east are putting too much salt in their lemonade, the citizents of Delhi have started to use too much sugar in their tea, and that the Bhang in Benaras is not what it used to be.
*******
Cuba's government will now allow it's citizens to have mobile phones. Great, once that works out they will talk about Indoor plumbing and heated food.
*******
The Hillary Clinton campaign has unveiled their new slogan: Duck!!
Not to be outdone, Barack Obama's campaign has released a statement in which they say that if the senator wins the white house, he will bring make congress pass a bill which will make a special day to be known as Crazy Pastor Day.
*******
There is this whole war of words between MNS on behalf of Nana Patekar and Jharkhand's CM on behalf of Tanushree Dutta. Also, Karnataka and Tamil Nadu are at odds again.
And you though the IPL would divide the country!!
*******
The screw ups at heathrow's new terminal have been so bad ..... even the people at the Patna airport are like "C'mon" ....
*******
The way The Indian government have been bending over backwards for the Chinese government, it seems like the government has been outsourced to General Mussharaf.
*******
Last night, I saw Sonali Bendre as a judge in a reality show. She was actually giving people tips for a successful career ... And I was like ..... How does she know? ........
I'm not saying that Sonali Bendre's career was unsuccessful but she got more coverage for being invited to the Abhi-Ash wedding than she got in her whole career.
This is really stretching the word "Reality" ..init?
*******
Friday, March 14, 2008
Loose Ends
So I saw this add for hiring investment managers from a particular company. The brand ambassador? Anupam Kher. That's so good. Because when I think investments, I think what would Dr. Dang do?
The only product which I don't mind being endorsed by an on screen villain? Condoms by Gulshan Grover. That would be so believable. If it works for him, it's fuckin bound to work for me.
This whole thing with the Indians in Leichester trying to put Gandhi's statue in the city square? Really? This proves that no matter where they go, Indians have too much time on their hands.
The so called security lapse on Heathrow yesterday proved one thing, that the management of the Heathrow airport has been outsourced to the Indian government.
The only product which I don't mind being endorsed by an on screen villain? Condoms by Gulshan Grover. That would be so believable. If it works for him, it's fuckin bound to work for me.
******
This whole thing with the Indians in Leichester trying to put Gandhi's statue in the city square? Really? This proves that no matter where they go, Indians have too much time on their hands.
******
The so called security lapse on Heathrow yesterday proved one thing, that the management of the Heathrow airport has been outsourced to the Indian government.
******
Hooray!! The new season of ICL has started. Really? You didn't know that did you now? The ICL is like Bhutan. Everybody knows it's out there, but nobody gives a shit.
Hooray!! The new season of ICL has started. Really? You didn't know that did you now? The ICL is like Bhutan. Everybody knows it's out there, but nobody gives a shit.
******
So NY Governor Elliot Spitzer resigned because he got caught with a prostitute. Wow. He dug himself into such a hole.
But he got support from unexpected quaters. Senator Larry Craig. The senator released a statement declaring his support for the governer. He said that "I am behind the governor in his time of need."
Spitzer was supposed to be one of the candidates for Vice President if Hillary won the nomination. I think he took the "When in Washington, do as the Clintons do" thing very seriously.
Well, he might have lost his post as governor, but Bill just made him an honorary Clinton.
But the thing is, Elliot Spitzer did nothing different. I mean politicians have been screwing up in Washington for ages. He just got caught.
But he got support from unexpected quaters. Senator Larry Craig. The senator released a statement declaring his support for the governer. He said that "I am behind the governor in his time of need."
Spitzer was supposed to be one of the candidates for Vice President if Hillary won the nomination. I think he took the "When in Washington, do as the Clintons do" thing very seriously.
Well, he might have lost his post as governor, but Bill just made him an honorary Clinton.
But the thing is, Elliot Spitzer did nothing different. I mean politicians have been screwing up in Washington for ages. He just got caught.
******
Aamir Khan has been on such a power trip lately. First Amitabh Bachan. Now Shah Rukh Khan. Someone should get Aamir zammen par.
******
Today is world kidney day, or as Dr. Amit calls it, Monday.
******
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