Friday, January 30, 2009

Give war a chance . . .

Indonesia declares War on "Hindu" Yoga

Following the lead of their wonderful and secular neighbours Malaysia, the clerics in Indonesia issued a fatwa against Yoga. Apparently, they took this decision after they saw Shilpa Shetty's latest Yoga DVD.

Sri Ram Sena declares War on Women

In a shocking and deplorable incident last week, on the eve of Republic Day, a large number of men who have nothing better to do in their life, except pick on people having fun, bullied and beat up four women in a Manglore city pub. The president of their cult later released a statement saying that "If people think that the Taliban are the only people who can use force to espouse sixth century values then they got another thing coming". Then he went back home to beat his wife for daring to lift her head while talking to him.

Rajathan CM declares War on Shopping

Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot has come out strongly against the mall "culture" and said that hormonal young adults holding each other's hand while trying to buy a T-Shirt which says "Just Do It" is against Rajasthan's traditions. He added that he was all for upholding tradition. The tradition of underage girls getting married to men old enough to be their grandfather while their family goes into huge debt for her wedding dowry which they keep trying to pay for the rest of their life. Tradition which makes you warm and glowy inside.

..... And so does the Karnataka Chief Minister

The chief minister of Karnataka has promised the people in his state that he would not let "pub culture" grow. In a statement, he added that he and his party are in no way affiliated with the Sri Ram Sena, but would still like to "stop young people from drinking the alcohol and engaging in the sexual intercourse and having the inter-caste children".

NDTV declares War on Blogging

In what many hail as a win for free speech, poor & defenseless NDTV has forced a big mean blogger to withdraw and apologize for posting his opinion on his own blog. Sources who in no way are close to NDTV or any of it's affiliates told us that this is part of their plan to strike fear in the hearts of everyone who holds an opinion and wants to share it with a few dozen like minded people. Our sources also tell us about NDTV's plan to take over the world. We would have said more but our lips are sealed. By a court order.

MNS declares War on things of Pakistani origin

In an ultimate show of patriotism, the MNS made the owner of Karachi Sweet Shop change the name of his UnIndian and traitoresque shop to something more Indian. In fact, the owner of the shop even dared to complain to the Bombay police. Luckily, in the holy tradition of Indian democracy, the police "advised" the sweet shop owner to follow suit with the MNS diktat. This is another applause-worthy move by the MNS after banning books by Pakistani authors and sending self proclaimed comedians back to where they belong. No word yet on whether eating Lahori Meat is patriotic or not.


Tazeen said...

Come on,

I am sure Rajasthan's PM is not against hormonal young adults holding each other's hand. He just want them to buy T shirts with, eerrr, less encouraging slogans.

ess said...

Typical. Missing the wood for the trees. Somebody should tell those clerics to declare war on Shilpa Shetty and Big Brother, not yoga.

Unless it's Baba Ramdev we're talking about.

pradsat said...

We at the Union of Totalitarian Indian Organizations for promotion of Indian culture do hereby warn you to refrain from publishing insightful, incisive posts on your blog. Such kind of writing promoting critical thinking in the Indian web community, goes against our agenda of upholding the glorious Indian culture (read Talibanisation of Hindoostan)The only purpose of existence of Indian women is to fulfil the needs of righteous, morally accomplished (read horny and drunk)men. Women will be barred from pub-hopping,activism,voting, education,etc.(women conducting medical research for improving chances of male-birth however will be exempted) As a conscientious Indian blogger, you are hereby ordered to restrict your writings to the core pillars of 21st century Hindoostan eg. religious faith, mythology, caste, regionalism, fanaticism communalism, etc.You will give us your unflinching support in our selfless social service activities like smashing shops on Valentine's day, molesting women who go to bars, thrashing teenagers holding hands, vandalizing theatres showing avant-garde films,etc all for the noble cause of guarding our value system.We will also conduct educational tours to see Khajuraho's sculptures (which are not even remotely sexually suggestive but only artistic depiction of advanced yoga)If the boss is really pleased with your work, he will let you accompany him to one of the cultural centers we've established (with all those haftas coming in from vandalized shops,theatres,malls,etc)where nubile, young, sari-clad, foreign women will 'service' you as you drink the choicest foreign liquor and mellifluous traditional bhajans are played in the background!

Abhishek said...

You forgot, China declared war on English shoe manufacturers.

Indian John Doe said...

Fabulous Sarcasm! Must say you write really well...first time on your blog...I guess I can keep coming back :)

Pitu said...