10. Sanjay uses his psychic power to help the blind king, Dhritarashtra, earn money by betting on IPL matches
9. Feeling left out and ignored by everybody, Nakul and Sehdev, write and produce an autobiographical movie titled The Excellent Adventures of Nakul & Sehdev
8. Bhim quits the army and opens an amusement theme park called Bhim's House of Blood
7. Shahrukh Khan makes a special appearance as the King of Bollywoodumprastha to do an item song called "Dard-e-Duryodhan"
6. President of the Hastinapur Human Rights Commission calls a press conference and says that Draupadi practically asked for the cheer haran by dressing too provocatively
5. Yudhistar gets a shot in the arm for his campaign to be king when he is endorsed by Oprah
4. To placate the MNS, 80% of the characters speak in Marathi
3. Abhimanyu finally breaks the Chakrahvyu by reading about it on Wikipedia via his blackberry
2. Instead of having the Mahabharata battle, the Pandavs and Kauravs decide to face off in a reality show judged by Javed Akhtar and Navjot Singh Sidhu called "The Great Indian Slaughter Challenge"
1. Bhishma dishes the dirt about everybody on his Blog on bigkurukshetra.com called "Confessions of a Pissed off Pitahmah"