If you don't stop eating that plate of scrumptious beef THIS INSTANT, Varun Gandhi will do unspeakable things to you

India's #1 idea person, Varun Gandhi, evil spawn of Sanjay "Imma cut your nads off" Gandhi and Maneka "Makes PETA look like pussies" Gandhi (gee, I wonder where Varun got his mean streak from?), is taking India into the 21st century by talking about issues relevant to people in this day and age:

Cow slaughter — topped Varun's agenda during his hour-and-half long address.
Urging Hindus to rise against the "heinous act which is a punishable offence and not only a social crime" the MP questioned the prevailing silence surrounding 'gau hatya'.
"Why hasn't a single case been registered so far for violation of anti-cow slaughter law," he asked.

Yes. Now that UP enjoys peace & prosperity due to there being a lack of actual real criminals (as they are busy trying to run the government!), why isn't the police pursuing more cow slaughterers? Besides stopping people from having sex, shouldn't this also be their other #1 priority? Which doesn't mean that they should forget their most important #1 priority, which is protecting Madam Maya's 'freedom' statues.

Varun also has another brilliant idea:

The Pilibhit MP asked his Hindu brethren to stand up for their "samman" (honour) and "swabhiman" (self-respect), and hoped to raise "an army of one lakh Varun Gandhi clones to fulfil his wish-list".

GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE! There are going to be Varun Gandhi's running around everywhere! Varun knows that he is one of the most awesomest human beings alive! So why not spread his awesomeness around? I'm pretty sure there is enough awesomenss to spare, for anyone who is interested! Isn't that simply awesome?

This is known as an 'Hands free' approach to governance! Since his cousin Rahul gets all the attention (due to the fact that he INVENTED politics and everybody anywhere is always 'pulling a Rahul Gandhi'), everything Varun does reeks of desperation. The poor guy is out in the wilderness and is continuously trying to draw attention to himself, as if trying to say "I'm a Gandhi, get me out of here!".

Tut, tut Varun. All you have to do to get noticed by the media is to get a twitter account, because if you don't have a twatter account or are not on "the bookface", you don't even exist anymore! Also, since the people on teevee have even lesser substantive things to talk about, they will put your twats on teevee everyday, because they are basically assholes.

In fact, through the magical powers of the hot tub time machine, one of our "reporters" from the "future" have sent in this "poem" which based on a very famous literary work, which speculates what life would be after a couple of decades under Prime Minister Varun Gandhi. It's never going to actually happen (because of education, which is a fundamental right now! Teehee, FUNDAMENTAL!), but let's just suppose it does, for shits & giggles:

When they came for the people who eat beef,
I said nothing because I prefer fried chicken.

When they came for the people who get their hair cut on a Tuesday,
I said nothing because I always have a standing appointment with my barber for every Friday evening.

When they came for people who drank alcohol on dry days,
I said nothing because those drunken bastards deserved it anyway!

When they came for the people who had sex outside of wedlock,
I said nothing because I was married and wasn't getting any sex so I didn't want anyone else to have it either!

When they came for all the gay people,
I said nothing because just like Chetan Bhagat, I am not "a gay".

When they came for all those women who wanted to be something other than a housewife,
I said nothing because they're women, what else are they going to do? 

When they came to give me a vasectomy so that I couldn't reproduce,
They left me alone because they realized I lost my testicles when I didn't say anything the first time they tried to curtail my freedom!

Maya's revenge: The perils of a VIP constituency

Why is this not surprising:

On Tuesday, Amethi observed a 'bandh' to protest the undeclared power cuts which last up to 18 hours a day. Amethi is being subjected to blackouts for almost a fortnight now.

So Amethi pays the price for voting their preference. Since the people of Uttar Pradesh threw cold water on her Prime Ministerial ambitions, she takes it out on them. Not that this is anything new. This woman lives in her own world where the constitution does not exist and everyone else in the country is there only to enable her to achieve her dream of installing a statue of herself in every inch of the country. She's like a female Kim Jong-Ill, right down to the bad hairdo.

Yes the power situation is bad all through the country, but the situation in Amethi is fubar'ed because of "political reasons":

If UP Power Corporation sources are to be believed, the 'power' problem is a more political one. A senior official said the Centre had set up a 220 KVA power sub-station in Rae Bareli at a cost of Rs150 crore, three years ago, to ensure uninterrupted power supply to Amethi, Rae Bareli and other adjoining districts. "Since this is a VIP area, the distribution lines were also linked with the national grid. If despite all this, power rostering of up to 18 hours is being done, then the reasons are obvious," the official said.

I find the fact that these two "VIP" constituencies given special rights quite disturbing indeed. That is nothing new and it deserves a whole another post.

However, denying the people their basic right and making them suffer for not voting for you is bullying and is nothing short of treason. She is proud of the fact that she spent millions and millions of Rupees building statues for herself while a large portion of her state lacks even basic amenities.

On Tuesday, people in Amethi who were trying to peacefully protest were lathi-charged.

Not that other people fare any better. When Mulayam Singh was CM, he used to do the same thing. Now is is huffing and puffing about the how the people of both these constituencies are being treated unfairly. How the mighty have fallen.

These "politicos" along with their counterparts in the bureaucracy and the police have their own unique system of governance. Instead of actually being doing their job, they exist to suck the the blood out of the tax-paying public.

People like them have no business in Government, but as long as they have a mass base which will continue to turn a blind eye to their shenanigans, we will never get rid of them.

 

Where is Mr. India when you really need him?

Gah.

 

Powerful Mayawati renders Rahul's Amethi powerless [DNA]
'Drubbed in polls, vindictive Maya targeting Amethi voters' [TOI]
Power crisis in Amethi, Cong suspects Maya's power play [IBN-LIVE]

Priyanka Gandhi says that Rahul Gandhi's as yet unborn children are fit to be Prime Minister

Fielding questions from C-level journalists while campaigning for Congress candidates, Priyanka Gandhi today said that she thinks that her brother Rahuls as-yet-unborn children will be fit to be PM, as and when they are born and grow up.

"I'm sure they would make great leaders even though they are not born yet. How do I know that? Well, the as-yet-unborn kids are the great-great-grandchildren of Jawaharlal Nehru, they are the great-grandchildren of Indira Gandhi and grandchildren of Rajiv Gandhi. What other qualifications do they need?". She added that "Our family's hold on Congress politics and the country is just like the duracell bunny. It goes on and on and on".

HRD minister Arjun Singh welcomed the statement. "This country runs in the right direction only if a scion of the Nehru Gandhi family is at the helm. The children of our future prime minister, Rahul Gandhi, are our future, twice removed".

However, party spokesperson,  Abhishek Manusingvi, when asked the same question adamantly refused to answer it and said that "I don't answer hypothetical questions". This was right after the long answer he provided to a reporter who questioned him about the policies Congress party would follow if it won the elections.

Meanwhile, after holding a press conference about the party's unflinching support for Varun Gandhi, BJP spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad said that "This is the difference between the BJP and the Congress. The Congress is all about dynasty, whereas we support no dynasty".

Even Tamil Nadu Chief Minister MK Karunanidhi chimed in. At a function to announce candidates for the coming elections, including his three children, he said that "Dynastic politics is like a termite which is destroying Indian politics. We should put an end to it and practice real intra-party democracy". Afterwards, in conversation with party workers, he alluded to the possibility of his son, Stalin, taking over the DMK by the next election.

Rahul Gandhi's as-yet-unborn children were unavailable for comment.

All hail the Queen

So I was having a nice morning, enjoying the morning weather while havin my cuppa then I did something really stupid. I picked up the Times of India to see what's up with the world. Needless to say this was a very bad decision. I was blatantly reminded of the reason I do not read that paper.

The front page article was dedicated to Sonia Gandhi ten years as head of the congress party. The tone of the article was overflowing with idol worship and sycophancy. I thought the duty of the press was to present the facts, not distort the truth to bow down to the government of the day. However, even though our country claims to have freedom of speech and claims to be a democracy, the guardians of our freedom (i.e. the press) keeps surprising me with the sycophancy and irrelevance of their reporting.

Instead of starting a debate on certain national issue the newspapers and TV channels pedal one agenda or the other. And the weekly magazines are no better either. I was a subscriber of Outlook and was really angered the way the editor furthered the Congress agenda. Now, I am not dissing outlook, I think their editor is a good journalist and at least discloses in every alternate issue that he is a die-hard congressman. I am also not implying that people shouldn't have a personal political view. My problem is that when an organization which is supposed to be the watchdog of freedom blatantly bows down to one agenda or the other, democracy is in trouble. However, I feel that we never actually had democracy in India. The elected officials are not a representation of the people, rather they are a representation of might. The more thugs they have, the more seats they have. However, that is another topic for another post.

My problem with the Congress party is the extreme level of sycophancy present in that party. I don't beleive that anybody born with the name Gandhi has a right to rule the country. I have no problem with Sonia Gandhi's foreign origin. She could be from Timbuktu for all I care. My problem is just because she married into the Gandhi family, does not give her a right to run the country.

If being the wife of a former prime minister qualifies her for the post, then a brain surgeon's wife can operate on your brain. And please, don't compare this situation to Hillary because (a) Hillary is a politician in her own right (b) She actually is qualified.

She might have rejected the PM's post but that was a political masterstroke. We all know that she is the one actually running the government. Manmohan Singh is keeping the seat warm for Rahul. And if someone says that Manmohan Singh is a PM in his own right well then I have to say, put down the crystal meth. Mr PM has to send memo's to his own ministers to keep him in the loop whilst taking important policy decisions.

It is time that the people of our country learnt that just having a famous last name does not automatically give one the birthright to run the country. There are more qualified and capable people than Rahul Gandhi. There maybe some in the Congress too. I don't endorse any party, I think all parties are scum. However, there are some bright spots. The sad thing is that they would never get an opportunity to run the country because they were not born as a Gandhi. At least in bollywood your surname can only guarantee a good launch. After that you are on your own.

Maybe, someday, when a Gandhi dumber than George Bush comes along, we might elect someone else. Or maybe not. India still might vote for a Gandhi. They aren't' the first family for nothing, are they?