Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Chicken Manchurian is the best revenge

Hey, remember the time when we lost the war and said to ourselves, "never again" and decided to shore up our defence capabilities.

Let's check in and see how that's turned out.

Admitting that India neither has the “capability nor the intention” to match China’s military strength, Chairman of Chiefs of Staff Committee and Navy chief Admiral Sureesh Mehta said here today that “common sense dictates” that India needs to cooperate with China rather than confront it.

“In military terms, both conventional and non-conventional, we neither have the capability nor the intention to match China, force for force. These are indeed sobering thoughts and therefore our strategy to deal with China would need to be in consonance with these realities,” Mehta said, delivering an address on National Security Challenges organized by the National Maritime Foundation.

Oh, goody.

If only we you were in a position to do something about it, like being chairman of the chiefs of staff committee or chief of the navy. I wonder ho things might have turned out.

Thankfully, we've not been at it for long.

For most of the last six decades, the ethos of the Indian military has been to prepare for a battle on two fronts — to the west with Pakistan and to the north with China.

Oh, a-ha, ha, ha.

*Gulp*

 

However, that's not the important thing to focus on. No, not at all.

Even if the military balance with China is heavily loaded against India, it is simply not in the culture of armed forces officers to publicly acknowledge the weakness.

Mehta has gone against the grain, fully aware that he was giving a reality check.

Of course, government-official-who-knows-what-he-is-talking-about, how dare you say something aloud which everyone is aware off? I don't believe you. The only people I believe are those "defence analysts" on my teevee who have never really seen a battlefield outside of watching reruns of Lakshya and Border.

Also, since when have we started acknowledging things in public? It's totally against our culture. Because everyone knows that unless you publicly acknowledge something, it is simply not true. Just like pregnant woman and homosexuality, if you close your eyes long enough, it goes away.

Have you ever heard someone talk about a fart? No, because he who smelt it, dealt it. That's the rule that applies to most public discussions in India.

Our government officials aren't supposed to speak the truth. Heavens, no! Government officials are supposed to treat the people of the country like a five year old who starts crying as soon as he hears about all the bad monsters under his bed.

So instead of saying what you said, you should have followed the lead of the all our defence officials of yore and said that "We are more than capable of defending our borders with might but we act like wussies everytime China jumps from behind the door and shouts "BOO! because we are a PEACE LOVING people".

And that, my friend, is how it's done.

 

Aw, India is less macho now [The Telegraph]
Don’t have capability or intention to match China force for force: Navy chief [
Indian Express]

4 comments:

Stray said...

Being peace loving and all gets my vote any day, honey. :)

But where eet ees ze Chicken Machurian??

Jhayu said...

Hey man, we're Indians, we're like the sons and daughters of, like, Gandhi, man! We gotta love peace man, else who's going to be the soft target? 'sides, don't all those hippies travel all the way here to learn about, like, peace and love and grass and shit?

He who smelt it, dealt it.
Priceless!

Word verif: vitieste. Yes, mine is the vitieste comment you're going to get!

abhishek said...

Our phoren policies have been a disaster with any of our neighbours...pakistan, china, bangladesh... terribly awry.

Over Rated said...

@Stray: You shouldn't have any chicken manchurian. It'll interfere with your diet regime. So please enjoy your non-fat yogurt. Cheers.

@Jhayu: I hear ya man . . . like totally . . . although those hippies really have a nose for quality blow, man . . . Your comment was pretty much vitieste.

@abhishek: Our phoren policies are like a really bad Tom Clancy novel.

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