Sunday, June 7, 2009

The heat is driving everyone nuts . . .

. . . or maybe it's the cricket? Who knows, really? I think it's all a plot to get me to hit the bottle early in the morning. That's funny. I was doing it voluntarily anyway.

We all know about the recent turn of events in Australia. Now, according to The Hindu, someone torched an Indian student's car last night.

Alright. We all agree that sucks. But, something in the middle of this article made me lose all sympathy for this fella.

Vikrant Rajesh Ratan, 22, told police that his car and two other cars belonging to Indians in the apartment complex where he lives were burnt by some drug addicts whom he had refused to give money. "They asked me for money, but I refused them. Next night they burnt my car because of that," Ratan told a news channel.

He said there were 40 Indians living in his area and "we are all toppers".

Really? Toppers? ALL of you?

What does this have to do with anything at all? So the single largest achievement of your life can be summed up in half a sentence? In your opinion, should normal rules of society not apply to you because you are toppers? In your obviously einsteinesque opinion, what other privileges should people like you enjoy? If you murder someone, should you be exempt from being arrested because you are a topper? Should you receive oxygen from nature BEFORE any other lesser human beings who have not ever been in any honour roll have sullied it with their lowly nostrils? Should people bow down and break into an appreciative dance everytime you pass them by? Should the Sun call you in the morning everyday and rise from whichever direction you deem appropriate? Should the government mandate that every fair maiden and/or handsome young man in the kingdom offer you their young, nubile bodies in recognition of your great "service" to society?

There is only one thing you can say to such people: Maccaca, please!

_________________________

Our country has had it's fair share of great writers and thinkers who have arguably left their imprints on global literature. Rabindranath Tagore, Amratya Sen, Salman Rushdie, Jhumpa Lahri, Arvind Adiga, Arunadhiti Roy etc.

Now, add another name to that illustrious list.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the latest literally genius to come from this great land of ours.

Who is this wondrous creator of such masterful prose?

 

Little Ms. Rubina Ali.

Yes.

That Rubina Ali.

Who became an unhealthy worldwide obsession thanks to a movie which almost didn't get released.

Yes. She has a book deal. Probably does not know how to read and write, but she is going to be a published author. Hey, it didn't stop Shobhaaa De, so it should not stop lil' Rubina.

Anyways, she is going to write about her eventful life spanning the long period of nine years.

In the book, she reveals hitherto unknown facts about her life.

Did you know that she climbed Mt, Everest, swam the english channel and went to the moon and came back ALL in one single day which also happened to be her seventh birthday?

Or that the Dalai Lama constantly calls her to seek her counsel?

The book is tentatively titled I'm never going away no matter how much you try. Or maybe not.

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Speaking of things that won't go away, the millionth word to be inducted into the Oxford English dictionary might be either Jai Ho or Chuddies.

Wonderful. With the elections and the US National spelling bee over and done with, our news channels have something during the summer which they can obsess over and squeal just like a thirteen year old girl does when she sees the Jonas brothers.

Other words in the list include Chengguan, which is what one of my former co-workers used to call chewing gum, Phelpsian, which means being a success in what you do despite smoking a bong every now and then and Mobama, which refers to all the people who have a man-crush on Obama.

Okay, fine. Click here for the real meaning of these words. Be a bitch about it.

________________________

Twitter went live about three years ago. So now that it's jumped the shark because everyone from Ashton Kutcher to Oprah is using it, our news media finally discovers it. But what's not surprising is that it's discovery follows the usual dose of horrible puns and bollywood conspiracy theories.

Also, twitter poses a risk to national security.

Ugh.

Even Fox news is like, C'mon, that is wayyy out there man.

 

Makes me almost want to pray that these people never discover Tumblr.

9 comments:

A rebel all the way... said...

Heyyyy....not a word against Jonas Brothers plz. Even I squeal whenever I see them. Sighhhhh.....

arayans said...

can u rename ur post to:
"the heat is driving everyone's nuts" ?
it just sounds more suited to ur writing style then :D

anyway, it rained in what-like a few minutes of u posting this...so well, next time i'm fed-up of global warming, i'm gonna ask u to blog on it...so sure.

Jhayu said...

Been a while since I showed my face here, so here I am, like the itch that just won't go away.

And yeah, I just had a thing against toppers. They made me want to smash them in the nose.. Maybe cos of the way they turned those same noses up at me when I quoted DC canon.
Might have had something to do with the fact that my brother was one, and I got sick of relatives telling me to be like him. =p

Oh, and:
...something over the summer which they can obsess over and squeal just like a thirteen year old girl does when she sees the Jonas brothers.

Priceless!

What? You didn't think I'd remember? =p

Indian John Doe said...

LOL...WTF was he trying to imply by saying we are all toppers...well put
Ridiculous...that kid getting a book deal...next we'll know some filmstar's yet-unborn child will get one...LOL :)

Dheeraj Pulluri said...

Yeah and regarding Twitter. One person apparently lost his job at Cisco for having given a tweet saying that his job is boring.

Mumbai 58 said...

ROFL Shobha De haha. Aah if she is reading this, you can expect a column about it for her fav topic has always been herself!!

Hilarious though. But let me guess you aren't a member of the club that reads topper eh? Couldnt feel the love;-)

Abhishek said...

I remember that sentence from one of your previous posts: 'These little fucks' :D

Rakesh said...

These toppers - really such a pain in the arse, especially when everyone else on school asks you to be like them!

Over Rated said...

@Rebel: Hey, I didn't say anything about their ridiculous promise rings yet . . .

@Aryans: Heh, that's a better title! . . . plus I think the rain must have been because God heard about the Jonas brothers promise rings and laughed so hard that tears came rolling down his cheeks in the form of rain! . . . :P . . .

@Jhayu: I'd say welcome back but I'm sure that wud send you into hibernation once again! Heh!
Toppers who turn their noses at quotes from DC Canon? I'm sure they would know at which page in the science textbook Newton's Third law of gravity is mentioned.
:P . . .

@IJD: I'm sure everyone is looking forward to Aryan Khan's first book!!

@Dheeraj: Yeah, that was stupid! Lol!

@Mumbai 58: Oh, I can' ever read what she writes! Even Rubina might be able to write better copy than her!! And no, I have anything against toppers. They make wonderful subordinates at work!!! :P . . .

@Abhishek: Actually, it should have been those irritating stupid little fucks! :P . . . .

@Rakesh: Yeah . . . they are literally worshiped and treated like royalty.

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