Friday, March 6, 2009
The day after British Prime Minister Gordon Brown addressed the joint session of the US Congress, he became the first ever world leader to be awarded the "Congressional Medal of Boredom."
House speaker Nancy Pelosi hailed the move as a step in the right direction. She said that "In a chamber which has Senators John McCain and John Kerry, it takes a lot to be called as most boring. In fact, by the end of Mr Brown's speech, the Botox under my lower lip had started to leak".
Last year Senator John Kerry visited Aqua World and as soon as the dolphin performing that day saw him, she went into depression and died the next day. And former presidential candidate, John McCain had to hire the sixth Spice girl, Bible Spice, as his running mate to stay afloat during the elections last year.
Scientists say that Gordon Brown has been discovered to have the charisma of a bottle of home made disinfectant and the magnetism of a stale box of Pringles.
"Listening to his speech was like watching four back to back episodes of Doctor Who. It was like time stopped. Even getting circumcised was less painful", said Connecticut Senator Joe Liberman.
Some congressional representatives tried to use technology to escape. "I was twittering Save me....Save me Jesus in morse code", said Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR).
"Now I know what my wife and children go through everytime we sit to have dinner" read the twitter feed of Rep. Rob Wittman (R-VA).
White House spokesperson, Robert Gibbs praised Congress for acting so prudently. "The British Prime Minister can kill hope as fast as President Obama can manufacture it. In fact, this is one of the reasons we kicked the British out in 1776. That and because who in their right mind would want to have Sheppard's pie for dessert?"
We tried to get a reaction from the British Prime Minister, but our reporter killed himself while Mr Brown was in the middle of his acceptance speech.