The spokesperson for Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari, El Harami, in a press conference today denied that there was any attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team, which was widely reported and shocked the world yesterday. "In fact", said Mr Harami, "we believe that there is no country known as Sri Lanka. It suspiciously sounds very similar to someone who would come up with a program like the Art of living. Therefore, if they do not exist, how can they have a cricket team? This clearly proves that this is an attempt by certain foreign elements who want to damage our stellar international stature. Also, in a side note, we don't believe in the art of living. Living is for wimps. We prefer dying. In fact, it's sort of a national sport. It was pioneered by the Bhutto family".
When quizzed about the growing problem of terrorism in Pakistan, Mr Harami said that "Look. President Zardari is a big follower of the policies of former US President, George W Bush. And according to the Bush doctrine, the first step in eliminating a problem is to deny it's existence. Step 2 is blaming the wrong country and Step 3 is TBD. We are just on Step 1."
When asked about Pakistan's growing reputation as a failed state, he said that "Hey, no publicity is bad publicity. We are like the Paris Hilton of countries. Instead of exporting STD's we export crazy people who want to kill a large number of innocent people who cause them no harm. We're not a flash in the pan outfit like Hamas. We got tenure on our side. We've been doing this shit for decades".
When asked to comment on the Pakistani President's statement, a representative for the Sri Lankan foreign ministry, Mr Hol Ycrapinghe said that "At this stage, who really cares about what Pakistan thinks. We were one of the the last few to pay attention, really. The only other countries left are Bangaldesh and Ghana."