New Rules

The Indian media has to stop having an orgasm every time India wins a match. Listen, sparky. The match was in India. On a fucking Indian pitch. We were bound to win. You can shove your balls in the Aussies faces once you win a match outside of India. Even I know that. And I don't even watch cricket.

CNN has got to show something other than news about the presidential election. There are more than 180 other countries in the world, dawg. Or didja forget the "International" in "CNN International"? It's gotten so bad that Osama and his freaks could blow something up and still not make the headlines. In fact, they just bumped Nelson Madela for an exclusive with Barney the Coffee Guy.

China has to stop trying to poison the rest of the world. It seems that everything that comes from China has some sort of poison in it. Listen up people, if your milk carton is cheaper than the cost of chewing gum, then it's going to make your lungs explode, you cheap fuck.

The British government has to stop trying to suck up to India. Face it, you old fart. We're not going to bail you out of your financial crisis. We told you that this would happen when you made Shipla Shetty your yoga guru. Now remove your leg from behind your head and stop asking us for chump change.