Tuesday, October 14, 2008

America, stop showing your buttcrack and pull up your pants

Halo, America. Long time no see. I guess you and we (the rest of the world) aren't really getting along. We have tried. Believe us, we have. We gave that buffoon you call a President every chance to do the right thing. And as usual, he ended up with his head up his own arse.

Listen, big guy, you can't really wash your hands of your responsibility. You won the effing cold war, so by default, you are now supposed to be the one remaining superpower in the whole world. It's time you act like it and drop your whole schoolyard-bully shtick.


I understand power got to your head. Happens to the best of us. I bully my pets too. But you need to understand that you need to grow up a little. When you screw up, the rest of the world has to pay, like the old ancient Chinese proverb says, You broke it, we bought it. In other words, when you don't have a bowl of chicken soup, the world gets a cold.

It's time for you to be guided in the right direction. So clean your room, wear some clean underwear, have your glass of milk and vote an intelligent person into the office of the your President.

Choose Obama. He's smart, he's educated, he's articulate and he won't steal your wallet. Make a sensible decision for once in your lifetime. Remember all your great leaders. JFK. Bill Clinton. George Clooney. Do it for them. Just think how nice it would be to have a President who can pronounce the word nuclear Or knows how to eat a pretzel.

Let's face it, America. We are angry at you but we love you. Without you we would neither have anything good to watch on TV nor would we have any Internet Porn. Although the Germans make porn too but you can never understand whether they are saying "Daddy's little girl" or "Heil Hitler". Kind of confusing. Ruins the whole mood.

We can't bear to watch you continuing to dig yourself in a deep hole.
You clearly require some sort of intervention. So let me put things in terms you can understand.

See, a Barack Obama administration will be like an episode of Brothers & Sisters. It's going to start out good and although everyone will lose their way in the middle, it'll always end on a happy note. A John McCain administration will be like an episode of Sex & the City. You don't really know what to expect but you can be sure that someone is going to get screwed during the process.

Look, all we're saying is be sensible. If you elect another folksy dumb fuck for President, the rest of the world is going to break up with you. Fo shizzle.

You know, to show how much we care, we'll even sweeten the deal for ya. We promise, henceforth, not to call ya dumbass Americans anymore. At least for a while, anyway. Hell, we won't say anything even if we see one of those cowboy boots wearing Texans who think a framed cow's ass is a conversational piece. It'll be hard, but we're ready to make that sacrifice.

Just do a little something you've not done for a while.

THINK.

11 comments:

Manish said...

hehehe...very nice post...and meaningful as well...though it is just not the president that is wrong with america...their are lots of other issues as well...and they affect the world cos US is US...even now....

Manish said...

*there
( i hate you for having screwed up my spellings x-( )

RukmaniRam said...

i read this right after an episode of sex and the city. :D

The only problem with your analogy is, not everyone here watches it.

Che said...

Imagina McCain in US and Mayawati in India. I will leave the planet!

Tazeen said...

Ah i have recently met some dumbass Americans who actually take pride in being called Jackasses, i guess they will not be swayed by your argument.

Ummm

Is there any chance that Mayawati can make it to the top spot. I mean indian politics is crazy, but i am sure folks in your part of the world would not go for some one who would even put 'Folksy' to shame, would they?

copy rioter said...

Good Post.
"Without you we would neither have anything good to watch on TV nor would we have any Internet Porn. Although the Germans make porn too but you can never understand whether they are saying "Daddy's little girl" or "Heil Hitler"."

Nicely sums up most of the reasons why I hate America. I have worked in a call center and man these americans can't spell their own names!! (I enjoyed stubbing their short-lit prides though*evil grin*)

Amerians would anyday prefer Mccain to 'THINK' ;-)

Mudra said...

Oh my God... Loved this!! My favourite line:
"A John McCain administration will be like an episode of Sex & the City. You don't really know what to expect but you can be sure that someone is going to get screwed during the process."

I'm still smiling. LOL.

Over Rated said...

@manish: yes, they do affect the world ... but they can't help it ... it's not something they chose ... it was sort off entrusted upon them ... oh and don't worry about the spellings .. spell checkers are highly accurate these days ...

@rukmaniram: yeah .. even i don't watch it ... :P ...

@che: yes, i will leave the planet too .. we can go somewhere can have our own planet .. where one marriage is illegal and weed is not ...

@tazeen: That is the problem with some Americans, specially people like Sarah Palin. You consider accepting the bible literally as a replacement for education. And yes, someday, Mayawati might be prime minister ... although I hope not.

@copy rioter: Oh, I know what yo're talkin about. Some of them are dumber than a common ant!! And they do have short-lid prides!!

@mudra: thanks .. lol ..

pseudo intellectual said...

you're asking americans to THINK? hard work isn't it?
and as for the horrible scenario painted by che, i'd accompany him to mars in that case (or perhaps that's still too close for comfort?)

Richa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Over Rated said...

psuedo: Yes, Mars is not safe. You can still see it from Alaska. Just like Russia and Iraq. (Her words, not mine.)

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