7. You are more likely to be killed by "peaceful" political demonstrations than by your favorite distilled beverage.
6. Fun drinking game: Everytime you see the words Diwali Special on your TV screen, gulp down a shot of tequila.
5. Thanks to the financial crisis, liver transplants that use livers sourced from the Philippines are now 10% cheaper.
4. Do it for the kids. See, If I drink all the vodka I can get my hands on, there will be none left for the kids. That's what all good role models should do.
3. Two words: Sarah Palin.
2. We were finally able to send some clunkety old machine to the moon on our own. Suck on it, China. We namba one.
1. Seriously, do you think I need a reason?