Thursday, July 10, 2008

Must See TV

Ladies and Gentlemen, as you all are aware, we excel in Investigative Reporting. So, to satisfy your curiosity, thanks to our "sources" we are able to present to you the new and upcoming shows to hit your TV screen this fall.

How I met your Mother
A new series where Kabir Bedi narrates tales and various anecdotes to his 1500 children explaining to them how he met, married, humped and then proceeded to divorce their mothers. For the budding horny, creepy old man in all of us.

Kashmir Mafia
Starring President Mussharaf , the Pakistani army and the ISI. According to some focus groups, this show is M*A*S*H meets The Silence of the Lambs meets The great dictator. In fact, sources have quoted that the head of the Taliban has said that the show is "laugh-out-loud and is as fun as playing football with the head of an infidel".

The adventures of Judge Javed
This will be a first of it's kind travel-talent show commissioned by National Geographic. Presented by Javed Akhtar, who travels from city to city, showcasing the talent of people from various walks of life. The people
featured in the show are then "judged" and awarded points by Javed Akhtar, which causes most of them to feel humiliated and break into tears of despair & sadness and in some cases, attempt suicide. To add a bit of zing to those long, boring weekends.

The Navjot Singh Sidhu Chat Express
Hosted by the the irrepressible Navjot Singh Sidhu, this half hour talk show will feature Navjot Singh Sidhu and his permanent guest on the show, Navjot Singh Sidhu. This one-man show includes Sidhu asking questions about various subjects and then answering them with completely unrelated quotes & couplets. This show not only provides you with profound wisdom, it will also hit you with 2723189698087989 new metaphors, smilies and analogies every 10 seconds. Needless to say, this show will not feature any commercial breaks.

The art of Un-fashion
Hosted by Viday Balan, the show dispenses fashion advice to up and coming wannabe starlets. It's educative segments include How to dress like a female Orangutan, Does this halter top go with my Dad's kurta-pyajama salwar and Gucci-Schmucci; I do all my shopping at Linking Road and Janpath.

How to compensate for a lack of a career with a continues series of bad haircuts
A new reality show hosted by Vivek Oberoi, in which people who are really bad at their job and have no future in their chosen career path vie with each other for a "free-haircut" coupon with lifetime validity at Vivek Oberoi's roadside barber.

RGV ki Sholay jo Aag se Badhkay
A "making of" show which provides a behind-the-scenes look at each new re-make of Sholay Ram Gopal Varma produces and directs.

The Ghost Whisperer
Starring President Pratibha Patil. In this show, the commander-in-chief of our armed forces provides us with the wisdom of the ages imparted to her by God himself in those one-on-one sessions he used to have with her before she became President. Holy **** batman!!

Which Religious Zealot are you?
A game show hosted by Narendra Modi, in which contestants answer questions about their religious beliefs and based on their answers are provided with one of the following three awards: (1) The Osama Bin Laden death-to-all-infidels award,
(2) The Bal Thackrey Who moved my temple? award and
(3) The Mike Hukabee Preach like you're batshit crazy award.
The winner of the show gets to meet either of these three icons.
** Please note that in case the winner gets the 1st award, he/she can only talk to his idol via tele-conference for which he needs to go to the Pakistani embassy or consulate.

How to write like a Chinese Mime
Hosted by Shobha De, the show provides tips to budding writers on how to write completely over-the-top, disgusting, filled with cheap thrills, crappy books which no one reads and newspaper columns which talk about path-breaking issues like the pleats on Aishwariya Bachchan's dress and page 3 celebrity her jam-toast looks like. (Clearly the author of this blog appears to be a big fan of this show.)

The Poppadum Show
A new game show commissioned by UK's Channel 4, hosted by Jade Goody. The show is only open to South-Asian contestants, preferably from India. The winner gets to be called a racial slur by Goody, which makes the winner an instant celebrity in Britain and helps him/her land a book deal, release a do-it-yourself yoga DVD and is granted an audience with the Queen.

Free Speech my ass: Which community does your work of art offend?
In this show, a focus group of members from each of the 89021651289752189037512098570912 special interest groups in India view books, films and paintings to determine which particular facet of that work of art is offensive to them. Points are awarded in the following categories (a) the most original idea to destroy the work of art (b) the most unique attack on the producer of the work of art and (c) the most ridiculous court case. The prize money is awarded to the community which scores the maximum on two out of the three categories. The contest is judged by Mayawati Devi, people who objected to Jodha Akbar and Sitaram Yechury.


harini calamur said...
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chandni said...