So, we consider it our national duty to suggest a few candidates which might be able to bring order to the house.
1. Navjot Singh Sidhu
This BJP MP embodies the word speaker. If there is anyone in the whole world who can speak, it is this man. Once this man participated in a debate for 18 hours. Although, he was debating himself. He can speak better than Emran Hashmi can smooch or Vidya Balan can pick bad outfits. The upside is that once he gets started no one, and I mean no one can stop him. The downside is that with him in the speaker's chair, no one else would be able to talk. Uh-uh.
2. Dharmendra
The MP from Bikaner is can control a crowd with just a few words. Anybody who dares to cross the chair will be referred to as a domestic animal and will be threatened to be relived of some blood. Alternatively, when there is the usual pandemonium in the house, this MP will threaten to jump from the speaker's chair and commit "suicide".
3. Deve Gowda
Thought he is not a natural choice for speaker, his natural charm and wit make him an ideal candidate. If this man is the speaker, by the time he finishes opening the day's proceedings, it'll already be time to break for lunch. And when he really is in his element and decides to address the house, most of the people present will go into coma.
4. Laloo Prasad Yadav
Remember those school days when the class clown was made the monitor and we ended up laughing all the time he was up there? Putting Mr Prasad in that chair will have the same effect. Give this man a microphone and he will kill you with his wit. Clearly, he is ratings gold. Who else, can turn a debate about the future of India's power generation capacity into a bad comedy segment on India TV?
5. Pranab Mukhrejee
Having him as speaker is very advantageous. Most of the time, the members will be trying to figure out what he is actually trying to say. So there will really be no time to disrupt the house proceedings.
6. Renuka Chowdhary
Arguably, the only man in the Lok Sabha. Hell, she could take down the great khali with one hand and have the other hand free for a fist bump with foreign tourists. Anyone who dares to cross the chair gets an ass-whoppin of a lifetime. Man or Woman, she's an equal opportunity ass-kicker.
7. Javed Akhtar
Ok, I know he's not an MP, yet. However, can you imagine him sitting in the speaker's chair and awarding points after every speech?
"Yes, Mr Advani ... I liked your speech however it did not have the punch lines that your opponents had. And at this stage of the competition, one really needs to bring something special to the table. You really disappointed me. I was expecting much more out of you. I can only give you 6 points though I wanted to give you more but compared to Omar Abdullah's performance, you were really lacklustre."
8. Maneka Gandhi
Clearly, this women is good with animals. They listen to her. So who else, really, better to chair a Lok Sabha debate?
Now, who do you want to nominate?
2 comments:
Who do I want to nominate? Dude, you can't make a mention of Khali and not include him in this list. I'd like to see Advani keep going with an argument when this guy stands up, that too at the Speaker's Chair. Oh, and Parliament might have to get a roof job.
I did think of nominating him but (a) I really hate him and (b) he rarely speaks. just random collection of jumbled words come out of his mouth. In fact, his speech is similar to an unused box of scrambled scrabble alphabets.
Though come to think of it, he would be a perfect candidate.
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