Even Rocket Singh cannot save the newspaper industry

India's favourite bussinessy "newspaper", The Economic Times, which a lot of retired old men read so that they can impress their wives and each other's wives by using words like "derivatives" and  "quant fund", brings you the most important breaking business news story of the day:

Bollywood's latest offering "Rocket Singh - Salesman Of The Year" is going great guns in the US with its review currently the number one most read movie story on the New York Times site.

The NUMBER ONE article on the NY Times website? YOU DON'T SAY!! OMFG, this must mean that Ranbir Kapoor will win an Oscar this year, for looking like a bearded version of his Mom!!!

Great! So do we have any numbers to back up those claims? Any box office receipts, revenue collections, anything?

In an equally flattering review, Film Journal International says: "David-and-Goliath workplace drama from India goes unexpected places, and hits satisfying chords."

OMFG, AGAIN!! They compared the movie to a biblical story! This is even BETTER than the Oscars! We'll ignore the fact that the sentence is full of so many grammatical errors.

Rocket Singh, FTW!!

But seriously, where are the numbers? Aren't you the friggin' Economic Times? Shouldn't your assumption be based on the, errrr, ummmm,*ahem*, economics? Just sayin'.

Okay. Fine. Let's just find proof of your obviously accurate assumption using teh googlez.

When a Bollywood movie grosses less than a Harman Baweja film in the opening weekend at the box office, there are only two words in the English language to describe its miserable fate: EPIC DISASTER.

Yes, folks.

Ranbir Kapoor’s Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year has fared miserably at the U.S. box office.

So bad that even Harman Baweja’s What’s Your Rashee had a higher opening gross ($169,005).

Epic disaster? Even sad little Harman Baweja's movie fared better?

You must be kidding me!!

This can't be right. EVERYONE IS READING THE REVIEW ON THE NEW YORK TIMES WEBSITE. HOW CAN THIS NOT TRANSLATE TO SUCCESS AT THE BOX OFFICE??

Hmpfh.

You must be lying.

Let's ask someone who knows what they are talking about.

What do you say, self-important movie critic, Taran Adarsh?

The keenly anticipated Rocket Singh - Salesman of the Year has emerged a gigantic disappointment in the key international markets. The film is one of the lowest openers of Yash Raj in U.K. and America, which has come as a rude shock for the entire industry. The opening weekend of Rocket Singh - Salesman of the Year should've been huge in these territories because Yash Raj movies, generally, open very well in the international markets and also because there's a sizable Punjabi population in U.K. and Canada-America.

Gigantic disappointment? Even in Canada-America, which is not a REAL COUNTRY! WTF?

But how can The Economic Times not give us an accurate picture?

First Tiger Woods.

Now The Economic Times.

Is there anybody left in this world who I can trust?

 

Oh, wait.

Maybe there is. [click here]

 

Rocket Singh going great guns in US [ET]
Rocket Singh - Epic Disaster at Box Office [Search India Blog]
Rocket Singh is a colossal disaster overseas [One India]
Movie Review - Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year [NYT]