Sarah Palin quits as Governor to make her children mooseburgers for breakfast everyday

While all of you on this side of the pacific were spending your weekend having the kind of sex which would anger the Pope and might still be illegal in 27 states, the world was watching, with bemused horror, how the hockey Mom from Alaska used a baseball analogy to resign from her "job" as Governor of Alaska.

She did that because she wanted to make a real difference.  Because being chief executive of a state is really not the place to make real policy difference.

That's not even the crazy part.

 

 

Basically, she says that since she's not a quitter, she's quitting so that she could better help the state she is currently the chief executive for. And even that's not the crazy part.

Her speech (literally from the horse's mouth) consists of 18 exclamation marks and still does not have an actual point. However, my favourite part of the speech is this:

May we all learn from them!

*((Gotta put First Things First))*

First things first: as Governor, I love my job and I love Alaska.

Oh Sarah, you truly are the bestest. This woman makes the fourth-grade level speeches George Bush gave seem kinda Presidential.

Now, people throw around the word "victim" a lot. (Specially those people who read books about neo-spirituality and act all happy and shit really early in the morning. I mean, WTF is wrong with you crazy fucks?) However, if there was anybody who could be used as the poster child for being a "victim", then it is the Wicked Witch of Wasilla, Sarah Palin. has made a career of playing victim. Whether it is feuding with David Letterman over a silly joke or blaming Barack Obama for bloggers who are allegedly badmouthing her, she plays victim to the tee. This woman exemplifies the present day conservative movement in America. The take-no-responsibility for your actions, find a straw man to blame for all the mistakes you make, make fun of people who read anything other than the bible, deny global warming crowd. This is the kind of people who define conservatism today. The holier-than-thou sanctimonious idiots who blame hurricanes on everything from abortion to same-sex unions. These people are so further away from the truth, that one imagines which planet they really inhabit.

The GILF has now quit every elected office that she has held, including previously when she was mayor and when she was resigned as a member of the Alaska Oil and Gas commission to run for Lt. Governor. She and her supporters like to romanticize actions like this by saying that she is a "maverick". Looks like being a maverick in the republican playbook means quitting. Even the original GOP maverick, John McCain, "suspended" his campaign to handle a "crisis".

It takes a lot to be the looniest Governor in a party which has such thought leaders like Mark Sanford and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Never mind that most of the recent attacks on her have been from people in her own party, she nevertheless didn't falter in blaming the liberal media and democratic "writers" for her decreased job satisfaction, the wolf-hunter is now going to sue everybody on the internet who tries to expose her lack of any ethics or any live brain cells. Yes, because to get people to stop talking about something, you ask your cheap-ass lawyer to threaten them. (Please see everbody else who tried that before you to see how that usually works out.)

There are many competing theories as to why did she go all mavericky and quit in such a hastily called press conference. The only thing anyone is sure of is that the train wreck called Sarah Palin is just getting started and that there is so much more to come.

It might have come from Wassila, but it's not going back there any time soon.

You betcha!

Obama sends message to Indian Prime Minister by writing it on Papyrus with a really big Quill

Six weeks ago, a group of brave men and women dressed like men set sail from the New York Harbour. The purpose of this important, difficult and treacherous voyage was to find and reach the East Indies and deliver a letter to the leader of the people of the East Indies. Not just any letter. A letter from the President of the United States of America. The letter contained a message of peace and was written with the purpose of establishing a treaty of cooperation and friendship between the two countries.

The brave crew of the ship, three of whom were thrown overboard by a white supremacist from the continent of Australia who then himself died of gonorrhoea, dodged thunderstorms, hunger, even fought off pirates who were led by a clever man called Jack Sparrow and finally arrived at their destination a week ago. From the coast they were flown into the capital city by a genie and his magic carpet. They sought an audience with Queen Sonia. They were granted an audience with the Queen's Prime Minister, who met the emissaries of the American President at high noon and they handed over the handwritten letter to him. In return, the Prime Minister gave them an aphrodisiac made from the blood of seven dragons and an instruction guide on yoga written by one a member of the Rajasthan Royal family, Shilpam Shetty, to be presented to the President upon their return. As local officials explained to them, that is how the people of the East Indies start a friendship.

The merry band of visitors even crossed the bridge of dangerous serpents and went to meet scary old Uncle Grumpus.

___________

Okay, I might have exaggerated a little, but c'mon. Really, Mr President? A letter?

How very Nehru of you!

Are you telling us that the recession has hit the United States so bad that you can't even afford an international fax anymore? Are you telling us that instead of Harrison Ford's plane from Air Force One, you now use Harrison Ford's plane from Six Days Seven Nights?

What's wrong with you, Barry?

I would have gone on, but government officials in my country send each other telegrams. What can a brother do?

(Okay, that's the last time I link to that post.)

(On second thoughts, maybe not. It just never gets old.)

___________

By the way, Obama may keep on saying that India is a "crucial" ally and everything, but I'm sensing that he's sort of bluffing.

I think I know why.

He might have called customer support for his computer one time and  he must have faced this:

Thank you for calling ***** *****. All of our operators are currently serving other customers. Please stay on the line for the next available customer service representative.
[Really Crappy Company Jingle]
We apologize for the delay. Please continue to hold and a representative will be with you shortly. We appreciate your patience.
[Really Crappy Company Jingle]
Thank you for holding. Please continue to hold.
[Really Crappy Company Jingle]
Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. Your call is the next call in the queue.
[Irritating midi tone of "Summer of '69"]
We apologize for the delay. Please continue to hold and a representative will be with you shortly. We appreciate your patience.
[Really Crappy Company Jingle]
This call maybe recorded for quality control purposes.

 

And then when he finally reached a customer service representative, the guy took his details, put poor Barry on hold for another half hour and then told him that he needs to buy a new computer.

I'll tell you the same thing I told a kid whose bike I ran over: Shit happens, get over it.

Just be glad that this didn't happen to you.

___________

Maybe Obama might have been pissed at a few members of the Indian establishment who were pulling for John McCain.

Hey, Mr President. We can't help it. We're Indians. We like old people. In fact, we hate young people so much that we don't even listen to anything they say until they grow old and shrivelled.

Also, we only liked George W Bush because he spoke his own version of English, just like us. Pinkie swear.

And some people were pulling for McCain because they thought that if McCain won, then both he and Manmohan Singh can go for a prostate exam together. Those things are really hard and it's comforting to have a friend take it along with you.

Also, the Palins with their hundred kids and knocked up daughter kind of reminds us of the families portrayed on our television. Tee Hee.

 

However, please remember that there were some of us who were on your side.

 

Does that help?

America, stop showing your buttcrack and pull up your pants

Halo, America. Long time no see. I guess you and we (the rest of the world) aren't really getting along. We have tried. Believe us, we have. We gave that buffoon you call a President every chance to do the right thing. And as usual, he ended up with his head up his own arse.

Listen, big guy, you can't really wash your hands of your responsibility. You won the effing cold war, so by default, you are now supposed to be the one remaining superpower in the whole world. It's time you act like it and drop your whole schoolyard-bully shtick.

I understand power got to your head. Happens to the best of us. I bully my pets too. But you need to understand that you need to grow up a little. When you screw up, the rest of the world has to pay, like the old ancient Chinese proverb says, You broke it, we bought it. In other words, when you don't have a bowl of chicken soup, the world gets a cold.

It's time for you to be guided in the right direction. So clean your room, wear some clean underwear, have your glass of milk and vote an intelligent person into the office of the your President.

Choose Obama. He's smart, he's educated, he's articulate and he won't steal your wallet. Make a sensible decision for once in your lifetime. Remember all your great leaders. JFK. Bill Clinton. George Clooney. Do it for them. Just think how nice it would be to have a President who can pronounce the word nuclear Or knows how to eat a pretzel.

Let's face it, America. We are angry at you but we love you. Without you we would neither have anything good to watch on TV nor would we have any Internet Porn. Although the Germans make porn too but you can never understand whether they are saying "Daddy's little girl" or "Heil Hitler". Kind of confusing. Ruins the whole mood.

We can't bear to watch you continuing to dig yourself in a deep hole. You clearly require some sort of intervention. So let me put things in terms you can understand.

See, a Barack Obama administration will be like an episode of Brothers & Sisters. It's going to start out good and although everyone will lose their way in the middle, it'll always end on a happy note. A John McCain administration will be like an episode of Sex & the City. You don't really know what to expect but you can be sure that someone is going to get screwed during the process.

Look, all we're saying is be sensible. If you elect another folksy dumb fuck for President, the rest of the world is going to break up with you. Fo shizzle.

You know, to show how much we care, we'll even sweeten the deal for ya. We promise, henceforth, not to call ya dumbass Americans anymore. At least for a while, anyway. Hell, we won't say anything even if we see one of those cowboy boots wearing Texans who think a framed cow's ass is a conversational piece. It'll be hard, but we're ready to make that sacrifice.

Just do a little something you've not done for a while.

THINK.

Stupid & Clueless: The Sarah Palin Story

Let's talk about foreign policy. So Gov. Palin, you have been quoted by various media sources saying that you have foreign policy experience because Alaska shares a border with Russia. That's a joke, right?



Err. Ummm. Okay then. It wasn't a joke. You really meant it. Hey you know what, using the same logic, let's say I just read a book. So that must mean that I am a world renowned author. Like Yay.


Okay, so this whole bailout thing. What the hell are they talking about?



Right. Thanks for clearing that up, Governor. Your clarity of thought is mesmerizing.




This explains why SNL sketch is so funny even though it used your ACTUAL quotes.






Okay. Maybe bringing in Grandpa would make things a little bit better.



Ummm ... Sadly, that makes things worse. McCain looks like his head was about to explode. But he also cracked a joke, right? I didn't get it. Maybe because I'm not a maverick.


Anyways, all I have to say, is that if this pair wins on Nov 4, my advice to all the people living in America would be: Run, Baby, Run.

Loose Ends 4.0

So Barack Obama is getting as much bad press as Hillary Clinton. Needless to say, he is bitter.

Obama's favorite tongue twister:

Betty bought a bit of butter ... The bit of butter was bitter ....

Yesterday, Obama received an endorsement from Bruce Springsteen. When quizzed about it, voters in Pennsylvania said "We're still waiting to hear from Sanjaya".

Hillary Clinton labeled Obama as an elitist due to his "bitter" remarks. She made this statement while on her way to a $50,000 per plate fundraiser.

Meanwhile, John McCain called the people in Wall Street "greedy". Although he did add "...unless you're a republican. In that case you are just ambitious."
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So George Bush went to receive the Pope at the airport. When asked about it, the president said that "He really wanted to meet the guy they named those eggs after".

There was this moment of awkwardness when Bush asked the pope about the wife and kids.

It was good that President Bush took time out from his busy schedule to pick up the Pope from the airport. I mean even though it's the fag end of his term, he keeps himself busy. I mean, the 24 set DVD set containing all the seasons of are you smarter than a fifth grader are not going to watch themselves.

Of course, when you think about it, Bush and the Pope have so much in common. One is a strict religious man with empty beliefs with continuing decrease in popularity and the other is the pope.

When the president and the pope came face to face with the protesters, the protesters got confused. They didn't know whom they hated more.

When the Pope landed in New York city, he said that he wanted to see all the sites in New York, like central park, the museum of natural history and Donald Trump's hair.

The Pope gave a very emphatic speech about the temptations of the flesh and the sanctity of marriage. And that was just to the Governor of New York!!

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Snoop Dogg is now coming out with books for little children. The following titles are scheduled to be released:

(a) Cinderella's Fella
(b) Hump Gretel
(c) Horton's ho'
(d) Snowhite blows the seven dwarfs

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Arjun Singh was recently hit on the knuckles by her highness for suggesting that the regent Dr Singh make way for the crown prince, Rahul Gandhi. Me thinks it's time to send old yeller to the farm. Or in this case, make him a governor.

Arjun Singh does not talk to his wife much. She's very reserved.

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