Somebody please give Jairam Ramesh his own show. Please.

 
Look, my hair has 0% dandruff. Geddit?

 

Say what you want to, but UPA: Season 2 is beginning to sound more fun than the first one. At first, the only comedic stars to emerge from this comedy classic were Shashi "Tweety" Tharoor, A "What's your spectrum?" Raja and VK "Imma Lawwwya" Moily. However, thanks to the writers of the UPA show, another great comedic superstar is now emerging from the shadows.

Usually only known for his really well styled hair (I know, but this joke is still funny to me.), he was last spotted solving the problem of climate change.

He's now back, with more comedic gold:

“The single-most important cause of [carbon] emissions is eating beef,” Ramesh said. “My formula is stop eating beef. This would stop the emission of [large amounts of] methane.”

Yes. All the damn emissions are because of the damn beef eaters. Stop closing those factories people, and start eating the green crap growing in your garden. If you don't have a garden, you're probably poor or live in Bombay. Either way, your life isn't that valuable. Sorry. Maybe next time, try to be born in some garden-heavy city. Preferably in the 'real India'. Where what you eat and what happens after you eat it are on display in the same field.

And Mr. Minister, I'm sure you don't have an agenda while trying to convert everyone into eating & shooting vegetables. I mean, shooting and eating vegetables. Dammit! I mean eating shoots and leaves.

A vegetarian himself, Ramesh offered a pat on the back for non-beef eaters, saying they help in “climate mitigation”.

Fuck yeah, vegetarians and non-vegetarians who don't eat beef. You just got a pat on the back from Jairam Ramesh.  THIS IS PROBABLY YOUR LIFE'S BIGGEST HONOR. Savour it and probably don't wash your back on the spot where you got patted by Uber-environ-mentalist, His Green Highness, Jairam Ramesh.

Or, on second thoughts, please wash your back. I am allergic to any kinds of smell. Thanks.

Now, wait. This is not over.

There are other things he said too:

Environment and Forest Minister Jairam Ramesh, known for making forthright comments, today said if there was any Nobel Prize for dirt and filth, India would get it.

Yes. It is a sublime tragedy indeed, your forthrightness. If only you would have been in government and were able to do something about it. Maybe they should make you a minister or something. If only your party was the party "governing" the country for the past five years. Or the one that won the election with an increased majority.

If only!!!1!

Although, my favourite part of the article is when the reporter says Mr Ramesh is known for making forthright comments.

In fact, I think, if there was a nobel prize for making forthright comments, Jairam Ramesh would get it.

 

WAIT! I JUST thought of ANOTHER REALLY, REALLY bright idea.

You know what will be the BEST THING for the environment?

 

Wait for it . . . .

 

 

If we stop publishing newspapers at all.

Because, MORE NEWSPAPERS = MORE NEWS REPORTERS

And, MORE NEWS REPORTERS = LOTS OF HOT AIR BLOWN UP PEOPLE'S ASSES

Finally, LOTS OF HOT AIR BLOWN UP PEOPLE'S ASSES = GLOBAL WARMING

 

OhMaiGawd, I AM SO frikin' FORTHRIGHT TOO.

 

*Pats self on back*

*Breaks collarbone*

*Whatever*

 

Green at heart? Avoid beef: Jairam [HT]
If there is a Nobel prize for filth, India will win it: Jairam Ramesh [TOI]

No one wants to leave the Slumdog kids alone

Can we go one fucking week without something happening to these little fucks?

Someone buys them, someone pretends to buy them, then someone invites them to their home, turns out that it was Michael Jackson wearing a skeleton mask, then someone takes away their lunch money, and now, apparently, they are shooting the sequel to the movie, called, Slumdog Millionare 2: Honey, the government just shrunk our home. It's going to be as bad as the original, but somehow still turn out better than 2 Fast and 2 Furious. Hell, anything's better than that movie.

 

Also, it takes a really special kind of asshole to shove a mic into the face of a crying kid. But hey, makes for good report.

WTF Friday ...

Hereye, hereye! Calling all couples about to get married. AIIMS, Delhi is conducting a two day seminar on marriage.

No it's not a hoax. The same hospital which has been witness to the family feud between the health minister and it's own chairman, is now giving out tips for a happy marriage.

"The seminar will cover topics like marital dispute and sexual disharmony. Topnotch doctors in the country will provide suggestions on common sexual troubles in addition to sexually transmitted illnesses such as HIV/AIDS and gonorrhea."

Rush to register because as per the article registration is on "First come-first serve" basis only!! Hurry before all the tickets are sold out prematurely!!

What can be more auspicious than to start your marriage by holding a two day discussion on gonorrhea and syphilis? I'm sure the parents of these couples must be so proud.

Call me old fashioned, but if you suffer from sexual dysfunction and gonorrhea you should probably not get MARRIED before you get it cured? Just a thought.

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Can someone please get Hard Kaur (she's a punjabi rap singer!! Stop laughing y'all) a career? She really seems to have bottomed out. I mean the other day she was singing in thew sidhu comedy show and today I read something about her singing at the launch party of some MTV reality show. I mean c'mon. That's even worse then singing at the Bihar Music Awards!!

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Certain Bishops of the catholic church in India have been encouraging members of their parish to have bigger families so as to increase the number of dwindling number of their followers.

Cause that's the solution to the problems of our country. More people.

The sermon was titled The Missionary Position!!

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Recently, the Indian Media went ga-ga over the winners of the some national spelling bee contest in Amreeka. Why? Because the winners were people of Indian origin.

To spell it out for these people, we really don't give a F-U-C-K.

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Sikander Kher's new movie has been released.

And judging by how he looks, it's a horror movie.

In fact, Sikander Kher was being considered for a role in Alien vs Predator 2. However, at the last minute the producers decided to go with the original Predator.

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