Apparently, megalomania has no statue of limitations

Warning: This is not fake news.

An Indian politician is calling for a police force to be created to protect statues she has erected of herself and her mentors. The chief minister of Uttar Pradesh state, Mayawati, says her political opponents want to demolish the statues. A bill proposing the force has been introduced in the state assembly, to be debated at a later date.

Yes, pick up your jaw from the floor, sew it back on and then come back for more.

According to the bill tabled in the state assembly, the squad would be named the Special State Security Force. If passed, the bill will give officers powers to detain people they suspect of threatening security near the statues. The initial cost of raising the force is estimated to be 540m rupees ($11.6m; £7.1m). Yearly maintenance would cost 140m rupees ($3m; £1.8m).

That's just dandy.

Maybe if the people of Uttar Pradesh turned into statues, then someone might try to protect them from the criminals?

No?

I could really put a long rant here about how dangerous this woman is to the institution of democracy or how she doesn't give a rat's ass about her constituents.

But what's the point?

She's like Marie Antoinette who wanted the hungry people in her kingdom to eat cake, instead of bread. She's like Colonel Jessop and probably thinks that we can't handle the truth. She's like Arthur Kirkland and believes that it's not her but everyone else who is out of order.

She's like the ugly zit on your face which no amount of make-up can hide. She's like Angela Petrelli from Heroes, responsible for everything bad that occurs, but still getting away with zero percent of the blame.

She's like . . . wait, you get the idea!

The Democratic Peoples Republic of Narendra Modi

The glorious government of the world's greatest #1 chief minister of all time, Narendra Modi, has found a solution to the whole people-who-don't-vote problem:

Gujarat on Saturday became the first state in India to make voting compulsory in all local body elections, with chief minister Narendra Modi terming it a "move to strengthen democracy". Amid opposition from the Congress, the assembly passed the controversial Gujarat Local Authorities Laws (Amendment) Bill, 2009.

The bill makes voting mandatory in elections to all seven municipal corporations, 159 municipalities, 26 district panchayats, 223 taluka panchayats and in 13,713 village panchayats of the state. The bill, which also seeks to raise the reservation of seats for women in local self governance bodies from 33% to 50%, was passed by voice vote.

Yeah, baby. Forcing someone to do something is what democracy is all about. Just like when you don't want ice cream to melt, you take it out from the freezer and put it outside, under the sun.

This is how democracy works, you stupid non-believers. You vote for your leaders, and they decide what you drink, what you read, what you eat because obviously, in a democracy, you have no right to decide any of those things. If you really want any of those things, try a different state. Or country. Whatever. Although, make sure it's not North Korea, because they have compulsory voting there too, among other things.

According to the new law, all registered voters in Gujarat will be required to vote. Those absent will be asked to submit a valid reason . The bill empowers the election officer to declare people who do not vote as 'defaulter voters'.

Of course, the only people who will benefit from this law will be those election officers who will now be able to earn bribes so as to exempt those prickly 'defaulter voters' from getting prosecuted. And those who can't afford too, well, too bad. They should have thought of that before registering to vote.

Anyways, the ultimate irony was reserved for when the bill was being 'debated' in the Gujarat assembly:

Chief minister Narendra Modi and most of his ministers were absent when the Bill was being voted in the House. Cabinet ministers Vajubhai Vala, close Modi ally Dilip Sanghani and Jay Narayan Vyas. Ministers of state Jaswantsinh Bhabhor, Vasan Ahir and Purshottam Solanki were also missing from the Assembly. Nearly 40 per cent of MLAs in a House of 181 were absent during voting.

You know what? Instead of trying to mandate people to vote, maybe they should make it compulsory for politicians to not be two-faced, hypocritical, no good neanderthals.

Somebody should put that on the ballot

Hell, I'd vote for it.

 

Controversial local bodies' bill passed in Gujarat assembly [DNA]
Modi absent when compulsory voting bill tabled [TOI]
A guide to voting in North Korea [Japan Probe]

Let's solve all our problems by building a statue, like they did during ancient times

There is nothing surprising that the Govt of Maharashtra unveiled it's plans to build a monument worth Rs. 350 crores in "honour" of Shivaji. In India, you don't honour someone by trying to emulate the good works that those people did in their lifetime, rather you can only honour someone when you build an ostentatious statue in their probable likeness.

The statue is nothing but another step towards the black hole of identity politics. The foundation for identity politics in Maharashtra was laid by the Shiv Sena. The MNS simply snatched away the torch and took it to the next level. And now, it's simply like a game of poker. The Congress-NCP has upped the stakes. It's like their telling their opponents, I see your indigenous vada=pav stalls & your empty rhetoric and raise you a hundred million rupee Shivaji statue. Whose the real Manoos now, huh? Gappa Bas?

Since there is no reasonable explanation for the statue, the Congress-NCP government surrogates who are sent to defend such an expense will talk in cliches and say that only the  "elites" are against the Statue and anyone who is against building of the statue is against the Marathi people, and so on. And then if that doesn't work, they will send their violent-protestors-for-hire to intimidate and silence the critics.

Of course the money could be well spent in other areas. Like perhaps making a better life for all those slum kids who did not star in a Oscar winning movie by giving them access to quality education so that they don't spend their lives waiting for a their own great white hope. Or the  families of thousands of farmers who kill themselves because they don't have a good crop due to the fact that they can't irrigate their fields and can't pay back the large and unfair interest that the moneylenders impose on them.  Or developing a proper sewer system in Mumbai so that whenever it drizzles, the country's "financial capital" doesn't resemble Venice (Which by the way, is not something to brag about)! Or buying quality equipment for the people who are our first line of defence against a terrorist attack so that their courage is not betrayed by faulty equipment?

But hey, there's nothing a large statue will not solve, eh?

This is why we're screwed #8979089697525453654

Unfazed by the criticism over its statue-erecting spree, the Mayawati government of Uttar Pradesh has sought the assembly sanction for an additional Rs 556 crore for the projects, and in contrast sought just Rs 250 crore to deal with the prevailing drought in the state.

Over the years, Rs 5,000 crore have been allocated towards chief minister Mayawati's dream projects since the Bahujan Samaj Party (BSP) came to power in May 2007.
On Monday, she raised a fresh demand for Rs 556 crore in the Rs 7,559 crore supplementary budget tabled before the state assembly here. And a mere Rs 250 crores for fighting the prevailing drought.

Misplaced priorities is an understatement.

Ironically, the state has been after the central government for release of a special economic package to deal with the drought-hit districts that cover almost the entire state.

Irony doesn't even begin to describe this clusterfuck.

They were also critical of the chief minister's craving for new aircraft in her fleet. A special Rs 10 crore provision has been made to purchase a helicopter.

Capital idea, Madam CM. Capital idea.

Pretty soon she is going to hold a press conference and will announce that as far as she is concerned, all the parched children in her state can have Evian sparkling water.

And then she will turn into a bat and fly away.

Or we wish.

Okay, the last part will not happen. But this woman will not rest until every damn inch of land in the state of UP is covered with her statues.

And then she will go on to be Prime Minister.

Which will cause her to lather, rinse and repeat.

Gulp.

 

Where is Glen Beck when you really need him to scare people?

 

Mayawati seeks more money for statues [TOI]

Maya's revenge: The perils of a VIP constituency

Why is this not surprising:

On Tuesday, Amethi observed a 'bandh' to protest the undeclared power cuts which last up to 18 hours a day. Amethi is being subjected to blackouts for almost a fortnight now.

So Amethi pays the price for voting their preference. Since the people of Uttar Pradesh threw cold water on her Prime Ministerial ambitions, she takes it out on them. Not that this is anything new. This woman lives in her own world where the constitution does not exist and everyone else in the country is there only to enable her to achieve her dream of installing a statue of herself in every inch of the country. She's like a female Kim Jong-Ill, right down to the bad hairdo.

Yes the power situation is bad all through the country, but the situation in Amethi is fubar'ed because of "political reasons":

If UP Power Corporation sources are to be believed, the 'power' problem is a more political one. A senior official said the Centre had set up a 220 KVA power sub-station in Rae Bareli at a cost of Rs150 crore, three years ago, to ensure uninterrupted power supply to Amethi, Rae Bareli and other adjoining districts. "Since this is a VIP area, the distribution lines were also linked with the national grid. If despite all this, power rostering of up to 18 hours is being done, then the reasons are obvious," the official said.

I find the fact that these two "VIP" constituencies given special rights quite disturbing indeed. That is nothing new and it deserves a whole another post.

However, denying the people their basic right and making them suffer for not voting for you is bullying and is nothing short of treason. She is proud of the fact that she spent millions and millions of Rupees building statues for herself while a large portion of her state lacks even basic amenities.

On Tuesday, people in Amethi who were trying to peacefully protest were lathi-charged.

Not that other people fare any better. When Mulayam Singh was CM, he used to do the same thing. Now is is huffing and puffing about the how the people of both these constituencies are being treated unfairly. How the mighty have fallen.

These "politicos" along with their counterparts in the bureaucracy and the police have their own unique system of governance. Instead of actually being doing their job, they exist to suck the the blood out of the tax-paying public.

People like them have no business in Government, but as long as they have a mass base which will continue to turn a blind eye to their shenanigans, we will never get rid of them.

 

Where is Mr. India when you really need him?

Gah.

 

Powerful Mayawati renders Rahul's Amethi powerless [DNA]
'Drubbed in polls, vindictive Maya targeting Amethi voters' [TOI]
Power crisis in Amethi, Cong suspects Maya's power play [IBN-LIVE]

Delhi Government to help city conserve power by not giving any to it's citizens

So people all over Delhi are spilling on to the streets because if they stay at home, they might dehydrate or die of a heat stroke or something. So what does the Chief Minister of the National Capital region do to help the masses? What does the third-term wonder, the woman who almost became Prime Minister back when there was a lot of speculation on which humanoid/robot/bat-like-creature would occupy the formerly august office? What wondrous solutions would the super-granny of Delhi come up with as per her pre-election promise of fixing the problems that she has not been able to fix in the past ten years, which includes everything.

Delhi Government is mulling a proposal to provide personal security officers to all the MLAs in the national capital.

Oh, goody! Go, Sheila, go! If this does not solve the problems of the people then I don't know what will. All the protestors who spend the night knocking the doors of an empty BSES office (saw this on teevee) and the day trying to earn some money to pay the government so that they can provide them with, err, water & electricity, can go home now. It always pays to keep it simple, stupid.

The problem with getting elected with a huge majority is that people actually expect you to fix things, attend to their problems, think of them for a minute or two during some fleeting moment when you are not trying to distance yourself from the problems that arise from the decisions you make or when you are not blaming someone else for your OWN failure.

Not that the rest of the legislature is any better.

A day after Vidhan Sabha speaker Yoganand Shastri directed all House members to be present during discussions pertaining to their respective departments, the Delhi Assembly had to be adjourned for 30 minutes as the dismal attendance of Members of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) for the session failed to fulfill the quorum of the House.

While the session was scheduled to begin at 2 pm on Friday, only 17 members of the ruling party and three of the Opposition were present, falling short of three MLAs to complete the quorum of 23 members required to begin the proceedings of the House

So while most of them don't even bother to attend, at least those who are there have something important to discuss:

Several MLAs in Delhi assembly yesterday demanded amendments in the relevant law so that they are allowed to use red beacon lights on their vehicles.

Raising the issue in the House, BJP legislator Saheb Singh Chauhan said although an MLA was higher in status in comparison to the Chief Secretary of the state, they were still not allowed to use beacon lights on their vehicles.

Several MLAs cutting across party lines supported the demand and said government should made amendments in the Motor Vehicle Act to remove the hurdle for using the beacon lights by the elected representatives.

Beacon lights.

They want beacon lights.

 

For more info, click here, here and here.

Delhi's grandmother wants to spend the next five years writing thank you notes

So last year, the people of Delhi lost their mind and out of respect and deference to the elderly, gave Shiela Dikshit a third term so that she may complete her task of ruining Delhi.

While her finance minister presented his budget in the annual laughing club meet of the Delhi assembly, her government billed it as a "thanksgiving budget". Why did they do so? because they wanted to thank the people of Delhi for voting for the Congress twice in less than a year. I'm sure most Delhities will never forgive themselves. Although, it's not like they had a choice. It was either Grandma Dikshit or that guy who puts anyone he speaks to into a deep slumber for a hundred years.

So what great gifts did the government reward it's people with? Ten bucks and an e-card? More electricity? Better roads? Mandating that tofu be served along with the snake-infested mid-day meals in government schools?

No, actually.

They went about this in another direction.

Long, long ago, in 2005, when the earth wasn't dying so fast and Maddona had only one stolen kid from Africa, our diligent lawmakers gave themselves a gift of top of the line laptops and inkjet printers. Now, many of them were from the previous assembly and already had been allotted printers and laptops. But, somehow, most of them seemed to have "lost" or "misplaced" their computers and thus required a new one. Just like when you lose your car keys, you havta buy a new car! This whole exercise cost the taxpayer a measly sum of Rs. 51 Lakhs. Turns out, most of the MLA's didn't even know how to use their fancy computers. So let's fast forward to this year, when, to help all our MLA's find free porn sites which don't install too many spyware programs, the government of Delhi has given them an allowance of Rs. 7,500 to be paid monthly to a "data operator".

It's like Christmas in June for the citizens of Delhi.

Meanwhile, the government also promises to one day complete the Delhi State Cancer Institute which was supposed to be actually operational by 2006. Hey, at least they almost got it's website to work. The real thing will follow soon. Progress takes time, ya know.

Oh, and the government also wanted to open a super-hospital for liver treatment sometime in this decade. They even interviewed people for it last year. So what, eh? Cheer up. Most people with liver problems are alcoholics anyway. And they can follow former prime minister VP Singh's example and get treated on taxpayer's expense in London. You can make a vacation out of it. In the mornings they can dilate your liver and in the evenings you can have tea and scones with the Queen in the Buckingham Palace Gardens while the Duke and Prince Harry shout racist abuses at you.

Oh, and don't forget grandmother CM's crowning achievement. A BRT corridor which has actually caused more problems then it has attempted to fix. In fact, some say that it outlived it's usefulness even before it was built. However, as per grandma, that's just media generated talk. The Chief Minister even drove through the corridor during non-peak hours when there was mild traffic to prove that it works. Even if in reality it doesn't work anywhere in the world. If Sheila Dikshit says it does, than it does. She's very Chuck Norris about these things.

Even though this might seem like the government's flipping you the bird and pointing at you & laughing while simultaneously chanting "Gotcha for a third time, you stupid suckers!" over and over again, it's a show of appreciation.

As the great decider of democracy once said, ". . . fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again".

Railways Ministry bites the hand it was (not) supposed to feed

Elections have consequences. Sometimes, even for those who treat the country as their own private backyard.

It appears that when Mr Laloo Yadav was Railways Minister, there was some land allotted to two of his relatives. Afterwards, the land was acquired back by the government for construction of a railway station.

When any land is acquired by the government, the person who owns the land is supposed to receive a fair compensation in lieu of the attached property.

So basically, the government gave away the land. After a few months it realized that it was a dumb thing to do and it actually needs the land. So it did the brilliant thing and BOUGHT back the land. Of course, an alternate route was a strict no-no.

I'm sure Mr Yadav being the railways minister had nothing to do with this "transaction" at all. I'm sure that it is simply a coincidence. I'm sure that there was no conflict of interest at all.

It can happen to anybody, can't it? I mean don't you remember when you were young you gave away all your toys to a younger cousin of yours and then you realized that you might have also hidden your porn stash in there and so you run to his house to get it back but you find that the little asshole has already discovered it and now you need to pay him off so that he would stay mum about your errr, exotic interests?

Since a new station wagon now runs the Railways Ministry, the new District land acquisition officer has not only cancelled the allotment, but has also asked the relatives of Mr Yadav to return the money.

How do you think it makes Mr Yadav feel? Till a few months ago he had a cabinet berth, a ministry a lot of people crave for and he was regaling students from Ivy league schools with anecdotes about his pet cow(s). And now, no one voted for him, no one wants to give him a ministry anymore and they are even taking back taxpayer's money from his relatives which they will now probably spend to build some railway track in godforsaken West Bengal.

As they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!

 

For more information, click here.

Karnataka to turn into Oprah and buy all it's elected officials shiny new cars!

Rejoice! The global economy may be down in the doldrums, and all the banks may be going bust, but in the land of the pub-atheists, the recession is already over.

Yay!!

As the Deccan Herald reports:

Having dumped his Toyota Innova, leader of the Opposition in the Legislative Council V S Ugrappa is now insisting the government provide him with the same car as the Council Chairman. But the Finance department has not wilted, having flatly refused to give in to the MLC’s demand which, if acceded to, could cost the exchequer – a whopping Rs 25 lakh.

How dare the government expect Mr Ugrappa to ride in a lowly Toyota Innova. How dare they?
Do they expect him to ride in just any car? Fat chance of that happening.

Three months back, the finance department approved the high-end Nissan X-Trail car which costs over Rs 25 lakh, for use by the Chairman, Veeranna Mattikatti. At the same time, the department approved the purchase of a Ford Endeavour, that costs around Rs 21 lakh, for Ugrappa’s use.

A ford?

Who do you think Mr Ugarapa is?

A farmer?

Ha!

He is the the leader of the opposition, bitches. If his party had won the elections, he could have almost become the leader of the house. Do you know how much power the leader of a legislative council wields?

No?

Well, me neither.

I'm pretty sure that even the members of the legislative council don't know what they are supposed to be doing. So they all just sit around and talk about cars and cricket.

However, for those haters who doubt Mr Ugarapa's intentions, please be assured that they are nothing less than noble.

When contacted, Ugrappa said he did not make any demand for a particular model of vehicle. “All I want is a diesel car which gives maximum mileage so that I can save on fuel. The Chairman told me that X-Trail Nissan is better and so I asked for it".

Yes. He wants to save the state some money by buying a car worth Rs. 25 Lakh. Isn't the logic obvious to you? Where is your common sense people? Where is it?

So what if the Top 10 Diesel cars in India are priced between 2.6 Lakhs - 14 Lakhs and the Nissan X-trail is very high maintenance. Good talent does not come cheap, baby.

I'm sure the farmers in Karnatake who are facing problems with their crops this year would be heartened to know that while they may be starving to death, their elected officials are riding in style.

Also, Mr Ugrappa is fulfilling his part of the bargain by raising issues relevant to the people.

Leader of the Opposition in the Legislative Council, V S Ugrappa, on Friday took the BJP government to task for showing scant regard to protocol and democratic traditions.

Speaking to reporters, Ugrappa said even though he had been the Leader of the Opposition for the last one year, the government had so far not allotted him a house. Moreover, he had been provided with an “old car.” “I have brought the matter to the notice of the chief minister. But so far, no action has been taken. I am of the firm belief that the government is showing disregard with a malafide intention,” he remarked.

Ugrappa also alleged that contrary to protocol, the government was deliberately avoiding carrying his name in the invitations of various official programmes. “For example in the invitations printed for the death anniversary programme of late Devaraj Urs, which falls on June 6, only the names of the CM and the chief secretary have been printed,” he noted.

Errr, okay. He is raising issues which are not relevant to anyone besides himself. Still. He's people too. Well, barely.

After all the Karnataka government is out to get him because:

The government has publicly said it would follow austere measures in the wake of global recession.

So how is the government fulfilling it's promise?

The chief minister is entitled to use a car worth Rs 21 lakh, while the Cabinet ministers are allowed to purchase vehicles that are half the price. Opposition leaders, who enjoy Cabinet rank, are allowed to replace their vehicles after they run 1 lakh kilometres. But the rules were recently relaxed in the case of Opposition leader in the Assembly, who was provided with a CRV Honda costing Rs 21 lakh. Chief Minister Yeddyurappa too uses the same model and his Cabinet colleagues are driven around in Toyota Innovas.

If this isn't proof of the government's commitment to austerity, I don't know what is.

As the fellow once said, if you wish to be a success in this world, promise everything and deliver nothing.

And as far as that goes, our governments are a BIG success.