Britney Spears wants her children to have a normal childhood.
Err... Call me a pessimist but I think her children were scarred for life after they saw her performance at last year's MTV VMA's.
In a new add against Obama, the McCain campaign saya that "hot chicks dig Obama".
I think the add might be having the opposite effect because after seeing it, former president Bill Clinton said "I'm sold. Screw Hillary. I'm voting for Obama."
The government of India wants to set an ethical code of conduct for our television channels.
Does anybody else get a sense of irony when our government talks about ethics. *cough* Shibhu Soren *cough*. It's like asking Deve Gowda to give a speech on motivation.
Pakistani President Musshraf might be ousted by the newly elected government.
It looks like his chances for survival are bleak. I mean just yesterday they put the Pakistani presidential palace up for sale on eBay. I don't think that's a good sign.
An Indian recently won a gold medal at the Beijing Olympics.
To which a puzzled country asked, "That's nice and all, but what does it have to do with cricket, exactly??"
Showing posts with label unfunny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unfunny. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Unfunny
The Bachchan family fueled "Unforgettable" tour is underway.
Even with all of them out of the country, our media still doesn't find anything else to report. Do they have no be on another planet for some actual news to be reported? Oh wait, if they are on another planet, that is actual news. Sigh. We can never win.
Arjuna Ranatunga recently criticized India's focus on T20 cricket and said that it's a corruption of Test Cricket.
Ranatunga also criticized mobile phones and emails and said that he still uses his pet pigeon to deliver his letters. He then called Arjun Singh and both of them talked about how "simple" things were during their childhood in the 18th century.
Sylvester Stallone is now going to be seen in a Bollywood movie.
Yes. he is playing the same character in the remake that Simi Garewal played in the original Karz.
Snoop Dog has song the theme song for an upcoming bollywood movie.
Yes, apparently the song is called, Singh is Shizzle.
Prakash Karat gave a fiery speech denouncing the UPA government and the BJP for the drama in parliament.
People who were witness to the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever.
It is rumored that Bono is to be the Godfather for the infant Jolie-Pitt twins.
Yes, an official announcement is expected to be made right after Angelina & Brad adopt them.
Even with all of them out of the country, our media still doesn't find anything else to report. Do they have no be on another planet for some actual news to be reported? Oh wait, if they are on another planet, that is actual news. Sigh. We can never win.
Arjuna Ranatunga recently criticized India's focus on T20 cricket and said that it's a corruption of Test Cricket.
Ranatunga also criticized mobile phones and emails and said that he still uses his pet pigeon to deliver his letters. He then called Arjun Singh and both of them talked about how "simple" things were during their childhood in the 18th century.
Sylvester Stallone is now going to be seen in a Bollywood movie.
Yes. he is playing the same character in the remake that Simi Garewal played in the original Karz.
Snoop Dog has song the theme song for an upcoming bollywood movie.
Yes, apparently the song is called, Singh is Shizzle.
Prakash Karat gave a fiery speech denouncing the UPA government and the BJP for the drama in parliament.
People who were witness to the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever.
It is rumored that Bono is to be the Godfather for the infant Jolie-Pitt twins.
Yes, an official announcement is expected to be made right after Angelina & Brad adopt them.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Weird Wednesday
"The nuclear deal is anti-Muslim"
- Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister, Ms. Mayawati
Alright. Even if I suspend all logic, rationality and smoke enough pot to kill a 100 people, I still don't get it. How can a deal which promises to decrease the helplessness of Indian consumers by helping the country generate more power be anti any religion?
Hell, even Senator Larry Craig's claim of having a wide stance is more believable than this.
"BJP offered PM post to Mulayam in '07"
- SP General Secretary, Mr. Amar Singh
The BJP response: ROTFL, LMAO
Chatwal to raise $10 million for Obama
- Rediff.com article
Really? No word yet from Sanjaya Malakar. Dammit.
Indian Americans Take Note of Obama, Thanks to Hanuman
- Washington Post Article
Have we become this shallow? A person keeps a miniature Hanuman as a souvenir and we go ga-ga over him?
So people actually think "I don't care what his policies or plans are ..... look he has a Hanuman in his pocket. I'm sold. Obama for Pres."
Based on how much money Obama's campaign has collected, he seems to be a follower of Goddess Laxmi!!
- Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister, Ms. Mayawati
Alright. Even if I suspend all logic, rationality and smoke enough pot to kill a 100 people, I still don't get it. How can a deal which promises to decrease the helplessness of Indian consumers by helping the country generate more power be anti any religion?
Hell, even Senator Larry Craig's claim of having a wide stance is more believable than this.
"BJP offered PM post to Mulayam in '07"
- SP General Secretary, Mr. Amar Singh
The BJP response: ROTFL, LMAO
Chatwal to raise $10 million for Obama
- Rediff.com article
Really? No word yet from Sanjaya Malakar. Dammit.
Indian Americans Take Note of Obama, Thanks to Hanuman
- Washington Post Article
Have we become this shallow? A person keeps a miniature Hanuman as a souvenir and we go ga-ga over him?
So people actually think "I don't care what his policies or plans are ..... look he has a Hanuman in his pocket. I'm sold. Obama for Pres."
Based on how much money Obama's campaign has collected, he seems to be a follower of Goddess Laxmi!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
All the news that's fit to print
The Indian media is going ga-ga over the impending deal between Steven Speilberg and Anil Ambani.
I just pray that there is no bollywood remake of Temple of Doom with Amitabh Bachchan playing the role of Indiana Jones.
The dispute between the Rajasthan Government and the Gujjars has been settled.
That's the good news. The Bad News: 1 down, 4312610987060 more castes to go.
Shiv Sena supremo wants to start Hindu suicide squads.
Yes, because that's the answer to terrorism. More terrorism. Even George Bush is like "Dude . . "
The left parties have made it clear that they will unseat the government if it goes ahead with the Nuclear deal.
Apparently, the left wants to fulfill the promise in it's manifesto. To take our country back into the middle ages. Seriously, what would we do without them?
Have lesser power cuts?
Last week, an anchor on Fox News called a fist bump between Obama and his wife a terrorist fist jab. And Fox news affectionately refers to Barack's wife as his baby mama, a slang term used to describe single African-American mothers. The anchor was taken off their regular programming.
After being benched, the anchor will now enter rehab to deal with his obvious Afrophobia and after a few months, will be hired back and get the Don Imus deal.
The coalition government in Pakistan has begun discussions to fire President Musharraf. In fact, the state media has been barred from acknowledging Mushie at all.
Yes, it's true. Mussharaf is now looking beyond the Presidency. In fact, today, his new agent in Hollywood faxed his resume to the producers of 'Celebrity Apprentice'.
The ICC recently changed it's rules regarding one day internationals.
To which Ricky Ponting replied, "Change in rules? Haha!! That's cute!!"
Pamela Anderson has gotten back with ex-hubby Tommy Lee.
Yes, they are now officially the creepy Ross & Rachel. I guess they wanted to film a sequel to their original video. Porn fans everywhere are already cleaning their hard drive. As they say, 50th time's a charm.
I just pray that there is no bollywood remake of Temple of Doom with Amitabh Bachchan playing the role of Indiana Jones.
The dispute between the Rajasthan Government and the Gujjars has been settled.
That's the good news. The Bad News: 1 down, 4312610987060 more castes to go.
Shiv Sena supremo wants to start Hindu suicide squads.
Yes, because that's the answer to terrorism. More terrorism. Even George Bush is like "Dude . . "
The left parties have made it clear that they will unseat the government if it goes ahead with the Nuclear deal.
Apparently, the left wants to fulfill the promise in it's manifesto. To take our country back into the middle ages. Seriously, what would we do without them?
Have lesser power cuts?
Last week, an anchor on Fox News called a fist bump between Obama and his wife a terrorist fist jab. And Fox news affectionately refers to Barack's wife as his baby mama, a slang term used to describe single African-American mothers. The anchor was taken off their regular programming.
After being benched, the anchor will now enter rehab to deal with his obvious Afrophobia and after a few months, will be hired back and get the Don Imus deal.
The coalition government in Pakistan has begun discussions to fire President Musharraf. In fact, the state media has been barred from acknowledging Mushie at all.
Yes, it's true. Mussharaf is now looking beyond the Presidency. In fact, today, his new agent in Hollywood faxed his resume to the producers of 'Celebrity Apprentice'.
The ICC recently changed it's rules regarding one day internationals.
To which Ricky Ponting replied, "Change in rules? Haha!! That's cute!!"
Pamela Anderson has gotten back with ex-hubby Tommy Lee.
Yes, they are now officially the creepy Ross & Rachel. I guess they wanted to film a sequel to their original video. Porn fans everywhere are already cleaning their hard drive. As they say, 50th time's a charm.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Unfunny
I saw this Dhoni advert on TV about wearing fashionable stuff. The advert was for Big Bazar. Brilliant concept. Because when I think of fashion, the first thing that pops into my mind is Big Bazar. Of course, off the rack discounted mass market clothes are so the epitome of fashion.
I happened to channel surf the other day and found this amazingly cheesy historical Soap Opera on NDTV. Not that I am a big fan or anything but it was less ancient city and more like a resort in Kerela. And can someone tell me why those guys talk like my old sanskrit textbook? Can't they just talk like normal people? Is it so hard to say "Dude, can ya like chill in the forest for a few years with your wife and your younger brother? And kill some really big-ass mustached people while you are at it??" I think one of those Gods in the forest should be given a camera or sumthing. They could do a documentary for National Geographic . And they could use the leftover footage for a video blog.
Trouble is brewing between the coalition partners in Pakistan. Nawaz's party has pulled out of the government. What in the blue hell? Didn't these guys just get together? And now they have started to see other people so soon? I guess they shouldn't have attended the Mayawati Devi Coalition School
The UPA government wants to put an Indian on the moon by 2020 ! Really? I got a better idea...... How about putting food in the mouth of people living under the poverty line first? Then we can think about opening up a Udipi restaurant on the moon.
The Benaras Hindu University is set to be converted into an IIT. Wow. Their first order of business? Commission a machine which can dispense upto a 100 glasses of bhang in 10 seconds.
Sharon Stone has suggested that the recent quake in China could have been caused by China's bad karma. In a related story, Karma blamed Sharon Stone's parents bad karma for having a child like Sharon Stone.
I think Sharon Stone needs to stop hanging out with Obama's pastor.
Our intelligence agencies have come up with a new technique to make the militants they capture spill the secrets. Apparently, the prisoners are shown endless reruns of the movie Tashan. Most talk after the first time.
I happened to channel surf the other day and found this amazingly cheesy historical Soap Opera on NDTV. Not that I am a big fan or anything but it was less ancient city and more like a resort in Kerela. And can someone tell me why those guys talk like my old sanskrit textbook? Can't they just talk like normal people? Is it so hard to say "Dude, can ya like chill in the forest for a few years with your wife and your younger brother? And kill some really big-ass mustached people while you are at it??" I think one of those Gods in the forest should be given a camera or sumthing. They could do a documentary for National Geographic . And they could use the leftover footage for a video blog.
Trouble is brewing between the coalition partners in Pakistan. Nawaz's party has pulled out of the government. What in the blue hell? Didn't these guys just get together? And now they have started to see other people so soon? I guess they shouldn't have attended the Mayawati Devi Coalition School
The UPA government wants to put an Indian on the moon by 2020 ! Really? I got a better idea...... How about putting food in the mouth of people living under the poverty line first? Then we can think about opening up a Udipi restaurant on the moon.
The Benaras Hindu University is set to be converted into an IIT. Wow. Their first order of business? Commission a machine which can dispense upto a 100 glasses of bhang in 10 seconds.
Sharon Stone has suggested that the recent quake in China could have been caused by China's bad karma. In a related story, Karma blamed Sharon Stone's parents bad karma for having a child like Sharon Stone.
I think Sharon Stone needs to stop hanging out with Obama's pastor.
Our intelligence agencies have come up with a new technique to make the militants they capture spill the secrets. Apparently, the prisoners are shown endless reruns of the movie Tashan. Most talk after the first time.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Un-Funny
The Indian space agency plans to send a man into space in another decade. The name of the rocket is A 100 Years Too Late.
The mission will carry astronauts, scientists and a tea stall owner.
There is a new add for some shampoo which shows Kareena Kapoor seducing a guy by showing her scalp.
Isn't that what all guys look for in a woman? A good, healthy scalp?
Miley Cyrus apologized for her sexy pictures which are circulating on the Internet.
Wow!! She did that even without any protests from the Shiv Sena.
Why does anyone have to apologize for being sexy? I never apologize for my rugged handsomeness and better-than-a-movie-star looks.
****
After her recent wins, Hillary Clinton has said that this contest might go to the convention.
Does anyone else find it strange that America will select a new American Idol before the democrats select their presidential nominee?
****
Mallaya's IPL team is doing so bad that they can't even score with their own cheerleaders.
They have lost 6 matches in a row, or as Hillary Clinton calls it, First place.
Mallaya is so desperate for a win that he hired Harabhajan Singh as a motivational coach for his team.
In fact their new team slogan is : Fuck!! We lost again!!
The team is such a big flop, Yash Raj Films and Ram Gopal Verma are now in a bidding war for the rights to make a movie about team.
****
The mission will carry astronauts, scientists and a tea stall owner.
There is a new add for some shampoo which shows Kareena Kapoor seducing a guy by showing her scalp.
Isn't that what all guys look for in a woman? A good, healthy scalp?
Miley Cyrus apologized for her sexy pictures which are circulating on the Internet.
Wow!! She did that even without any protests from the Shiv Sena.
Why does anyone have to apologize for being sexy? I never apologize for my rugged handsomeness and better-than-a-movie-star looks.
****
After her recent wins, Hillary Clinton has said that this contest might go to the convention.
Does anyone else find it strange that America will select a new American Idol before the democrats select their presidential nominee?
****
Mallaya's IPL team is doing so bad that they can't even score with their own cheerleaders.
They have lost 6 matches in a row, or as Hillary Clinton calls it, First place.
Mallaya is so desperate for a win that he hired Harabhajan Singh as a motivational coach for his team.
In fact their new team slogan is : Fuck!! We lost again!!
The team is such a big flop, Yash Raj Films and Ram Gopal Verma are now in a bidding war for the rights to make a movie about team.
****
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Un-Funny
Disclaimer: The author of the blog is not responsible for the following brain fart's causing e a mental breakdown:
**************************************************************************
Ricky Ponting is now playing under Saurav Ganguly's captaincy for the IPL. When asked about it, he said that he came to the IPL for two reasons:
(a) He'll do anything for money .. and (b) He really wanted to see Ishant Sharma naked in the dressing room.
I'm not saying that Ricky Ponting is a unscrupulous, but in the Foster's "how to speak Australian" advert, his photo is shown with the caption "Whore".
His nickname printed on his T-Shirt is "Easy Lay".
Team mate Parthiv Patel was overheard telling him "Dude, even mine is bigger" !!!!!!
********
The movie Krazzy 4 is so bad, people think Ram Gopal Varma has made it.
In fact, RGV is now going to make Krazzy 1, 2 & 3.
********
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to black voters. First she said that she was against gun control, and today her campaign has released a new slogan, "It's the economy, MotherFucker!".
********
The Maharashtra Government has banned sex education in schools. When asked about it, they released a statement saying that instead of having a whole department for sex education, the Maharashtra government plans to show students Malika Sherawat and Emran Hashmi movies.
The Maharashtra Government also wants to ban cheerleaders in IPL matches. In a statement, it said that we can't help our farmers or stop Mumbai from getting flooded every monsoon, but by God, we can stop the cheerleaders from corrupting younghorny impressionable minds.
Of course, the Maharashtra government has not heard about the Internet or Playboy.
********
India has released a statement in which it asks the US not to take responsibility of determining Iran's nuclear status and let IAEA determine it. It also said that maybe Osama Bin laden may come to his senses if given a chance and China is so misunderstood.
********
**************************************************************************
Ricky Ponting is now playing under Saurav Ganguly's captaincy for the IPL. When asked about it, he said that he came to the IPL for two reasons:
(a) He'll do anything for money .. and (b) He really wanted to see Ishant Sharma naked in the dressing room.
I'm not saying that Ricky Ponting is a unscrupulous, but in the Foster's "how to speak Australian" advert, his photo is shown with the caption "Whore".
His nickname printed on his T-Shirt is "Easy Lay".
Team mate Parthiv Patel was overheard telling him "Dude, even mine is bigger" !!!!!!
********
The movie Krazzy 4 is so bad, people think Ram Gopal Varma has made it.
In fact, RGV is now going to make Krazzy 1, 2 & 3.
********
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to black voters. First she said that she was against gun control, and today her campaign has released a new slogan, "It's the economy, MotherFucker!".
********
The Maharashtra Government has banned sex education in schools. When asked about it, they released a statement saying that instead of having a whole department for sex education, the Maharashtra government plans to show students Malika Sherawat and Emran Hashmi movies.
The Maharashtra Government also wants to ban cheerleaders in IPL matches. In a statement, it said that we can't help our farmers or stop Mumbai from getting flooded every monsoon, but by God, we can stop the cheerleaders from corrupting young
Of course, the Maharashtra government has not heard about the Internet or Playboy.
********
India has released a statement in which it asks the US not to take responsibility of determining Iran's nuclear status and let IAEA determine it. It also said that maybe Osama Bin laden may come to his senses if given a chance and China is so misunderstood.
********
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