So we stole a tag from Moo. Sorry. We're jobless and devoid of anything interesting to do.
So what the hell? As the great man once said, here we go:
1) Last Movie You Saw in a Theatre:
Turistas and it was HORRIBLE ....... We had to see it because there was no other alternative and my cousins visiting from abroad wanted to experience an Indian "theater" ... wat-fuckin-ever
2) What book are you reading?
Good question. Though it should be book(s).
We are currently reading Side Effects By Woody Allen, The Zahir by Paulo Cohelo, The Book of Man by Osho. We just finished reading The Godfather, which is the BEST book ever. [yes, we read multiple books at the same time. We are kind of fucked in the head].
3) Favourite Board Game
Strip Monopoly, Strip Ludo, Strip Scrabble [..er... u get the idea]
4) Favourite Magazine
The New Yorker ..... used to read playboy when I was a kid (only FOR the articles, I assure you)
5) Favourite Smell
The smell of coffee,
The smell of a new book,
The smell of newly minted money
6) Favourite Sounds
The purr of an engine,
the sound of the espresso machine,
The sound of the door closing as soon as I wake up. Saves me a lot of needless conversation.
7) Worst feeling in the world
When I have to be nice to people,
When I have to praise ugly and untalented kids, [what???]
When a relationship lasts for more than two weeks [that's the pits].
8) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Most of the following:
What's her name?
Damn, that WAS too much alcohol!
I think I'll call in sick today too!
Do I have to make conversation?
Can I have her make a cup of coffee before she leaves?
Her sister was so much better!!
That was an awesome threesome!! You are good!!
Dammit, what the fuck is her name ...
That was one of the best times .... and she was a lesbian!! [looking down] good work, boy!!
9) Favourite Fast Food Place
KFC - it's finger lickin good (in fact im havin some right now)
10) Future Child's Name
Exhibit A (for when I sue the condom company)
11) Finish this statement- "If I had a lot of money, I'd..."
Piss it all away,
Open my own publishing house to publish the crap I write,
Buy Comedy Central and have it run the sitcoms I want,
Buy all the Indian news channels, shut them down and burn their archive footage and feed the ashes to the then former owners of headlines today
12) Do you drive fast?
My legal advisers have asked me not to answer this question .... The matter is still in the courts
13) What was your first car?
It was made by atlas cycles, and my dad bought it for me on my third b'day
14) Storms- Cool or Scary?
Fuckin Scary ...... It prevents me to have my coffee while driving ....
15) Did you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No!! Please, she's not that bad looking!! Jesus .... Since when did tags start being so judgmental?
16) Favourite Drink?
Screwdriver (w/o the orange juice),
Rum with a flavor of Diet Coke,
Tequila .... [technically not a drink]
and freshly grounded coffee .........
17) Finish this statement- "If I had the time, I would..."
write a blog making fun of everyone ...... and be offensive and politically incorrect on all occasions ...to all demographics ..... [err.. I already do that, don't I??]
or learn to spell and then write the great Indian novel
18) Do you eat the stems with Broccoli?
Now, what sort of question is that?It's like asking do you kiss with your mouth open? or Do you use a tongue when you kiss? Do you decide not to use the gearbox while driving? Do people still call it a gearbox? Congrafuckingtulations ...
19) If you could dye your hair any other colour, what colour would it be?
I love my natural hair, thank you very much. Though at the rate it's turning white, I might need to dye it black!!
20) Name all the different towns/cities you've lived in.
Delhi
21) Favourite Sports to Watch?
Wrestling (WWE), Football
22) One nice thing about the person who sent this to you.
Since I stole it myself, I would say that I am a wonderful person, God's gift to the planet and when I was made me, God broke a new and special mold.
23) What's under your bed?
Right now? 24 empty beer bottles and 2 dozen boxes of Durex's finest
24) Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Ahhh YEAH!! Who else can compare to the King of Kings!!
25) Morning Person or Night Owl
A Night Owl who stays up during the day too ...
26) Over Easy or Sunny Side Up
Sunny side up
27) Favourite Place to Relax
In me bed or me jacuzzi [read that with a slight british accent ... then u'll get it]
28) Favourite Pie?
Mostly Putang pie, but apple is nice too ..... [don't google that, it is absolutely crass and vulgar, which if you aren't me it might not be your thing]
29) Favourite Ice Cream Flavour
"Iced Chocolate coffee Flavored Eskimo Frappucino" [yeah, baby]
30) Of all the people you've tagged who's the most likely to respond to this?
Anyone jobless, with a sense of humor and a long attention span.
So there. That wasn't half bad I think. However, no more tags for a while.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Un-Funny
The Indian space agency plans to send a man into space in another decade. The name of the rocket is A 100 Years Too Late.
The mission will carry astronauts, scientists and a tea stall owner.
There is a new add for some shampoo which shows Kareena Kapoor seducing a guy by showing her scalp.
Isn't that what all guys look for in a woman? A good, healthy scalp?
Miley Cyrus apologized for her sexy pictures which are circulating on the Internet.
Wow!! She did that even without any protests from the Shiv Sena.
Why does anyone have to apologize for being sexy? I never apologize for my rugged handsomeness and better-than-a-movie-star looks.
****
After her recent wins, Hillary Clinton has said that this contest might go to the convention.
Does anyone else find it strange that America will select a new American Idol before the democrats select their presidential nominee?
****
Mallaya's IPL team is doing so bad that they can't even score with their own cheerleaders.
They have lost 6 matches in a row, or as Hillary Clinton calls it, First place.
Mallaya is so desperate for a win that he hired Harabhajan Singh as a motivational coach for his team.
In fact their new team slogan is : Fuck!! We lost again!!
The team is such a big flop, Yash Raj Films and Ram Gopal Verma are now in a bidding war for the rights to make a movie about team.
****
The mission will carry astronauts, scientists and a tea stall owner.
There is a new add for some shampoo which shows Kareena Kapoor seducing a guy by showing her scalp.
Isn't that what all guys look for in a woman? A good, healthy scalp?
Miley Cyrus apologized for her sexy pictures which are circulating on the Internet.
Wow!! She did that even without any protests from the Shiv Sena.
Why does anyone have to apologize for being sexy? I never apologize for my rugged handsomeness and better-than-a-movie-star looks.
****
After her recent wins, Hillary Clinton has said that this contest might go to the convention.
Does anyone else find it strange that America will select a new American Idol before the democrats select their presidential nominee?
****
Mallaya's IPL team is doing so bad that they can't even score with their own cheerleaders.
They have lost 6 matches in a row, or as Hillary Clinton calls it, First place.
Mallaya is so desperate for a win that he hired Harabhajan Singh as a motivational coach for his team.
In fact their new team slogan is : Fuck!! We lost again!!
The team is such a big flop, Yash Raj Films and Ram Gopal Verma are now in a bidding war for the rights to make a movie about team.
****
A dummy's guide to Slang Etiquettes
As requested by some of our readers, we have been asked to publish a guideline enumerating the the appropriate and in-appropriate usage of some slang words. We, at overated outcast, are always delighted to help the less gifted and the slightly retarded.
1. Babes
Origin: Teen serials on Indian Television
Usage of this word is a strict no-no. What can't you accomplish by saying the word "babe" that you need to append an s to the end of the word? Are you out of your fucking "minds"?
Usage of this word makes it known to the world that you are an avid watcher of Indian teen serials and that the only thing you learned in Ms Briganza's English class was to idiotically pluralize words which are in Singular form.
Most people, when they use this, sound like a U.P. version of a valley girl.
It is never appropriate to use this word.
2. Bucks
Origin: Originally intended as a slang word for money. Derived from the phrase The buck stops here. (If you want more information, google it. Surprisingly, we are not wikipedia. Though we try.)
Appropriate usage: "The bottle of Kingfisher costs 100 bucks".
Inappropriate usage: "Babes, Can you lend me some bucks?" [ugh, kill us before saying that]
We recommenced using this word sparingly.
3. Lolzzzzz
This is usually used during im or text chat. We wonder why people need to z everything?Are you a fucking bee? Isn't lol-ing enough? What purpose does zzz serve? The only thing it does is lame up the conversation. As lame as watching hindi news channels or eating pizzas at haldirams. Unless you laugh like a Hyena or talk like khali you do not need to add zzzzz to every fucking word.
A similar restraint is recommended for words like coolz, babesz, chillzzzz, friendzzzz .....
In case you are responding to a joke which is really funny, we suggest using lmao or rotfl.
Not to overkill is the key here.
4. Shit
This is one of the most common word used in the English language. Most people who do not even know any word in English would still know the meaning of the word shit. In today's day and age, it is unacceptable to use the word "shit" as an expression of anger, frustration or helplessness. It is usually now used to replace the word "stuff".
Appropriate usage: "Damn!! Have you heard Snoop's new album? That shit is dope!!"
Inappropriate usage: "Oh Shit! The condom just broke!"
In case one wants to swear, we recommended the following:
- Dammit!! / God Damn!!
- Oh Crap!! / Holy Crap!!
- Jesus frikin Christ!!
- What the fuck (or the more popular acronym, wtf)
- Oh My God!! (in case you are a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fan)
5. Nerd \ Dork
Nerd & Dork have ceased to be insults. The last lot of people who were accused of being Nerds have either become the richest person in the world or opened their own hedge fund, married that trophy wife and purchased a house in Bermuda. To secure one's future, it is recommended that one refrain from name calling smart and intelligent people because one might find themselves working for those very same people one day.
In case you have a trust fund and can afford to harass/abuse the lab nerd, one might call them Dwight. This is based on the character Dwight Schrute in the US version of the office.
Eg: "Steve is such a Dwight, he'd rather sit home and watch star trek than get laid." [error intended]
6. Other Important Notes
In a corporate environment, we suggest the usage of the following words:
- Oh Darn !!
- Oh Golly !! [ under no circumstances should this sound effeminate. In case it does, drop it and say something stereotypically alpha-male like beer, girls or boobs immediately. ]
- Gosh Darnit [same as above]
Hopefully this helps all you deprived souls out there. We, as always, love to hear your questions & comments. Keep 'em coming.
1. Babes
Origin: Teen serials on Indian Television
Usage of this word is a strict no-no. What can't you accomplish by saying the word "babe" that you need to append an s to the end of the word? Are you out of your fucking "minds"?
Usage of this word makes it known to the world that you are an avid watcher of Indian teen serials and that the only thing you learned in Ms Briganza's English class was to idiotically pluralize words which are in Singular form.
Most people, when they use this, sound like a U.P. version of a valley girl.
It is never appropriate to use this word.
2. Bucks
Origin: Originally intended as a slang word for money. Derived from the phrase The buck stops here. (If you want more information, google it. Surprisingly, we are not wikipedia. Though we try.)
Appropriate usage: "The bottle of Kingfisher costs 100 bucks".
Inappropriate usage: "Babes, Can you lend me some bucks?" [ugh, kill us before saying that]
We recommenced using this word sparingly.
3. Lolzzzzz
This is usually used during im or text chat. We wonder why people need to z everything?Are you a fucking bee? Isn't lol-ing enough? What purpose does zzz serve? The only thing it does is lame up the conversation. As lame as watching hindi news channels or eating pizzas at haldirams. Unless you laugh like a Hyena or talk like khali you do not need to add zzzzz to every fucking word.
A similar restraint is recommended for words like coolz, babesz, chillzzzz, friendzzzz .....
In case you are responding to a joke which is really funny, we suggest using lmao or rotfl.
Not to overkill is the key here.
4. Shit
This is one of the most common word used in the English language. Most people who do not even know any word in English would still know the meaning of the word shit. In today's day and age, it is unacceptable to use the word "shit" as an expression of anger, frustration or helplessness. It is usually now used to replace the word "stuff".
Appropriate usage: "Damn!! Have you heard Snoop's new album? That shit is dope!!"
Inappropriate usage: "Oh Shit! The condom just broke!"
In case one wants to swear, we recommended the following:
- Dammit!! / God Damn!!
- Oh Crap!! / Holy Crap!!
- Jesus frikin Christ!!
- What the fuck (or the more popular acronym, wtf)
- Oh My God!! (in case you are a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fan)
5. Nerd \ Dork
Nerd & Dork have ceased to be insults. The last lot of people who were accused of being Nerds have either become the richest person in the world or opened their own hedge fund, married that trophy wife and purchased a house in Bermuda. To secure one's future, it is recommended that one refrain from name calling smart and intelligent people because one might find themselves working for those very same people one day.
In case you have a trust fund and can afford to harass/abuse the lab nerd, one might call them Dwight. This is based on the character Dwight Schrute in the US version of the office.
Eg: "Steve is such a Dwight, he'd rather sit home and watch star trek than get laid." [error intended]
6. Other Important Notes
In a corporate environment, we suggest the usage of the following words:
- Oh Darn !!
- Oh Golly !! [ under no circumstances should this sound effeminate. In case it does, drop it and say something stereotypically alpha-male like beer, girls or boobs immediately. ]
- Gosh Darnit [same as above]
Hopefully this helps all you deprived souls out there. We, as always, love to hear your questions & comments. Keep 'em coming.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Weekend Update
A new movie has been released on the relationship between the Indian left parties and China. It's called How Harold gets Kumar to Fuck up his country.
ISRO is about to launch 10 satellites at one go. Apparently, the name of the project is Kareena Kapoor.
Harbhajan Singh slapped Srisanth in their recent IPL encounter. To get back at him, Srisanth superpoked him through facebook.
When asked about it, Bhaji said that after Srisanth approached him, he thought What would Amy Winehouse do?
A jealous Ponting asked Ishant Sharma to spank him like a little girl.
Jackie Chan recently visited India to release the music of Kamal Hasan's new movie. He was accompanied to the event by hisgroupie, pile-on friend Malika Sherawat. Before heading back home, he required surgery. Yes, he needed to have Malika's lips surgically removed from his ass.
The Delhi government has refused to disband the new Bus Corridor. In a statement, Chief Minister Shiela Dikshit said, it is our constitutional duty to provide as many road blocks as possible. If we don't fuck up things now, how will we promise to solve them in the next election?
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in a statement yesterday asked all political parties to refrain from politicizing the misery of the people. He then got back to reviewing the forthcoming book about his speeches, called Baloney & Bullshit.
43 year old Director Guillermo del Toro has been selected to direct the movie The Hobbit and it's sequel. He is moving to New Zealand for four years to sh0ot the movies. Yeah, Del Toro is a very famous director. In fact he is the only living director to have a movie made on his life. Yup. The movie was called The 40 year old virgin.
The president of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, refuses to accept the result of the election he lost and is now going to hold another election.
When he heard about it, Al gore said Why didn't I think of that.
I'm not saying that Mugabe is rigging the election, but he just hired Jeb Bush as election commissioner.
The Dalai Lama said that he welcomed the talks with China, as long as they were serious. Apparently, he was angry at the email from the Chinese government which said Dude, we sooo need to talk.
ISRO is about to launch 10 satellites at one go. Apparently, the name of the project is Kareena Kapoor.
Harbhajan Singh slapped Srisanth in their recent IPL encounter. To get back at him, Srisanth superpoked him through facebook.
When asked about it, Bhaji said that after Srisanth approached him, he thought What would Amy Winehouse do?
A jealous Ponting asked Ishant Sharma to spank him like a little girl.
Jackie Chan recently visited India to release the music of Kamal Hasan's new movie. He was accompanied to the event by his
The Delhi government has refused to disband the new Bus Corridor. In a statement, Chief Minister Shiela Dikshit said, it is our constitutional duty to provide as many road blocks as possible. If we don't fuck up things now, how will we promise to solve them in the next election?
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in a statement yesterday asked all political parties to refrain from politicizing the misery of the people. He then got back to reviewing the forthcoming book about his speeches, called Baloney & Bullshit.
43 year old Director Guillermo del Toro has been selected to direct the movie The Hobbit and it's sequel. He is moving to New Zealand for four years to sh0ot the movies. Yeah, Del Toro is a very famous director. In fact he is the only living director to have a movie made on his life. Yup. The movie was called The 40 year old virgin.
The president of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, refuses to accept the result of the election he lost and is now going to hold another election.
When he heard about it, Al gore said Why didn't I think of that.
I'm not saying that Mugabe is rigging the election, but he just hired Jeb Bush as election commissioner.
The Dalai Lama said that he welcomed the talks with China, as long as they were serious. Apparently, he was angry at the email from the Chinese government which said Dude, we sooo need to talk.
Friday, April 25, 2008
The soundtrack of my life ......
We've been tagged ........ by Moo.
Ok. No need to panic. We've got it under control. Yes, we can.
Rules of the tag : Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song (or set of songs) that aptly describe the particular situation in your life.
Here we go:
Opening credits: Superstar - Lupe Fiasco / Touch the sky - Kanye West
Waking up: Wake up Call - Maroon 5 / Let's get it started - Black Eyed Peas
Average day: Rollin - Limp Bizkit / Rehab - Amy Winehouse
First date: Ayo Technology - 50 Cent / Pimp Juice - Nelly / The Reason - Hoobastank
Falling in love: Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's / Somethin Stupid - Frank Sinatra / How Bizzare - OMC
Love scene: Let me blow your mind - Eve / Don't stop the music - Rihana/ Let's get blown - Snoop Dogg & Pharrel / Deep Inside of you - Third Eye Blind
Fight scene: The Game - Motorhead
Breaking up: She Fuckin hates me - Puddle of Mudd / Your Fault - Plain White T's / Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse / We used to be Friends - The Danny Warhols / To & Fro - Mattafix / Get over it - Ok Go
Getting back together: My Way - Limp Bizkit
Secret love: In the closet - Micheal Jackson
Life's okay: That's the way I Like It - KC & the Sunshine Band / Hotel California - Eagles
Mental breakdown: In the End - Linkin Park / Crawling - Hoobastank
Driving: California - Phantom Planet (on an empty highway) / Fuck off and Die - Green Day (in city traffic)
Learning a lesson: I Don't wanna be - Gavin DeGraw / Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
Deep thought: Chase this light - Jimmy Eat World / Vodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix
Flashback: Thank You - Dido
Partying: Low - Flo Rida
Happy dance: Weapon of Choice - Fat Boy Slim
Regretting: What I've done - Linkin Park
Long night alone: Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Death scene: King of Kings - Motorhead
Closing credits: Theme from Don (2006) redone by Linkin Park (I'll get that song commissioned some day :D)
There you go. We did it. Just as I said we would. And we had fun. And we did not ruin it with some stupid joke. That's a first.
Ok. No need to panic. We've got it under control. Yes, we can.
Rules of the tag : Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song (or set of songs) that aptly describe the particular situation in your life.
Here we go:
Opening credits: Superstar - Lupe Fiasco / Touch the sky - Kanye West
Waking up: Wake up Call - Maroon 5 / Let's get it started - Black Eyed Peas
Average day: Rollin - Limp Bizkit / Rehab - Amy Winehouse
First date: Ayo Technology - 50 Cent / Pimp Juice - Nelly / The Reason - Hoobastank
Falling in love: Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's / Somethin Stupid - Frank Sinatra / How Bizzare - OMC
Love scene: Let me blow your mind - Eve / Don't stop the music - Rihana/ Let's get blown - Snoop Dogg & Pharrel / Deep Inside of you - Third Eye Blind
Fight scene: The Game - Motorhead
Breaking up: She Fuckin hates me - Puddle of Mudd / Your Fault - Plain White T's / Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse / We used to be Friends - The Danny Warhols / To & Fro - Mattafix / Get over it - Ok Go
Getting back together: My Way - Limp Bizkit
Secret love: In the closet - Micheal Jackson
Life's okay: That's the way I Like It - KC & the Sunshine Band / Hotel California - Eagles
Mental breakdown: In the End - Linkin Park / Crawling - Hoobastank
Driving: California - Phantom Planet (on an empty highway) / Fuck off and Die - Green Day (in city traffic)
Learning a lesson: I Don't wanna be - Gavin DeGraw / Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
Deep thought: Chase this light - Jimmy Eat World / Vodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix
Flashback: Thank You - Dido
Partying: Low - Flo Rida
Happy dance: Weapon of Choice - Fat Boy Slim
Regretting: What I've done - Linkin Park
Long night alone: Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Death scene: King of Kings - Motorhead
Closing credits: Theme from Don (2006) redone by Linkin Park (I'll get that song commissioned some day :D)
There you go. We did it. Just as I said we would. And we had fun. And we did not ruin it with some stupid joke. That's a first.
why? Why?? WHYYYY?????
I request the Indian government to legalize marijuana. Otherwise how, how can we sit through the following news items/headlines on our Indian news channels. Oh, the humanity!!
- Khali tries Gandhigiri (wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf)
- Khali introduces Big Show to various Indian traditions (*bangs head on wall* *breaks a chunk of his head*)
- Kids want to be like Khali !!! (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)
- 2000000045 Minutes segment on the Amitabh - Shatru war of words
- Amitabh Bachan has a blog! (i really could not care less)
- Bar girls protesting against cheerleaders in IPL
- Amar Singh protesting against cheerleaders .... Amar Singh ..... Yes, I said Amar Singh
- Shatrugan Sinha (why in the name of Jesus Christ doesn't he shut the fuck up) refers to the cheerleaders as go go girls. Also makes derogatory remarks about woman commentators.
- Woman minister who looks like she just got up from her afternoon seista (with the worst hairdo ever, by the way) says that cheer-girls (don't ask) are a new phenomenon and they will see what needs to be done
- Clipping of Karan Johar dancing like a go go girl ... (I was so angry, I burnt my eyes )
If this doesn't make them legalize all kinds of dope, I don't know what will. At least legalize crystal meth. Anything.
- Khali tries Gandhigiri (wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf)
- Khali introduces Big Show to various Indian traditions (*bangs head on wall* *breaks a chunk of his head*)
- Kids want to be like Khali !!! (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)
- 2000000045 Minutes segment on the Amitabh - Shatru war of words
- Amitabh Bachan has a blog! (i really could not care less)
- Bar girls protesting against cheerleaders in IPL
- Amar Singh protesting against cheerleaders .... Amar Singh ..... Yes, I said Amar Singh
- Shatrugan Sinha (why in the name of Jesus Christ doesn't he shut the fuck up) refers to the cheerleaders as go go girls. Also makes derogatory remarks about woman commentators.
- Woman minister who looks like she just got up from her afternoon seista (with the worst hairdo ever, by the way) says that cheer-girls (don't ask) are a new phenomenon and they will see what needs to be done
- Clipping of Karan Johar dancing like a go go girl ... (I was so angry, I burnt my eyes )
If this doesn't make them legalize all kinds of dope, I don't know what will. At least legalize crystal meth. Anything.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Un-Funny
Disclaimer: The author of the blog is not responsible for the following brain fart's causing e a mental breakdown:
**************************************************************************
Ricky Ponting is now playing under Saurav Ganguly's captaincy for the IPL. When asked about it, he said that he came to the IPL for two reasons:
(a) He'll do anything for money .. and (b) He really wanted to see Ishant Sharma naked in the dressing room.
I'm not saying that Ricky Ponting is a unscrupulous, but in the Foster's "how to speak Australian" advert, his photo is shown with the caption "Whore".
His nickname printed on his T-Shirt is "Easy Lay".
Team mate Parthiv Patel was overheard telling him "Dude, even mine is bigger" !!!!!!
********
The movie Krazzy 4 is so bad, people think Ram Gopal Varma has made it.
In fact, RGV is now going to make Krazzy 1, 2 & 3.
********
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to black voters. First she said that she was against gun control, and today her campaign has released a new slogan, "It's the economy, MotherFucker!".
********
The Maharashtra Government has banned sex education in schools. When asked about it, they released a statement saying that instead of having a whole department for sex education, the Maharashtra government plans to show students Malika Sherawat and Emran Hashmi movies.
The Maharashtra Government also wants to ban cheerleaders in IPL matches. In a statement, it said that we can't help our farmers or stop Mumbai from getting flooded every monsoon, but by God, we can stop the cheerleaders from corrupting younghorny impressionable minds.
Of course, the Maharashtra government has not heard about the Internet or Playboy.
********
India has released a statement in which it asks the US not to take responsibility of determining Iran's nuclear status and let IAEA determine it. It also said that maybe Osama Bin laden may come to his senses if given a chance and China is so misunderstood.
********
**************************************************************************
Ricky Ponting is now playing under Saurav Ganguly's captaincy for the IPL. When asked about it, he said that he came to the IPL for two reasons:
(a) He'll do anything for money .. and (b) He really wanted to see Ishant Sharma naked in the dressing room.
I'm not saying that Ricky Ponting is a unscrupulous, but in the Foster's "how to speak Australian" advert, his photo is shown with the caption "Whore".
His nickname printed on his T-Shirt is "Easy Lay".
Team mate Parthiv Patel was overheard telling him "Dude, even mine is bigger" !!!!!!
********
The movie Krazzy 4 is so bad, people think Ram Gopal Varma has made it.
In fact, RGV is now going to make Krazzy 1, 2 & 3.
********
Hillary Clinton is trying to appeal to black voters. First she said that she was against gun control, and today her campaign has released a new slogan, "It's the economy, MotherFucker!".
********
The Maharashtra Government has banned sex education in schools. When asked about it, they released a statement saying that instead of having a whole department for sex education, the Maharashtra government plans to show students Malika Sherawat and Emran Hashmi movies.
The Maharashtra Government also wants to ban cheerleaders in IPL matches. In a statement, it said that we can't help our farmers or stop Mumbai from getting flooded every monsoon, but by God, we can stop the cheerleaders from corrupting young
Of course, the Maharashtra government has not heard about the Internet or Playboy.
********
India has released a statement in which it asks the US not to take responsibility of determining Iran's nuclear status and let IAEA determine it. It also said that maybe Osama Bin laden may come to his senses if given a chance and China is so misunderstood.
********
Myths & Truths
The UPA government needs to go. And fast.
Any government which thinks that China and Iran are our friends and the US needs to be told to bugger off, needs to stop smoking. Seriously.
Myth: China is a friend
Err... No. China is the major contributor to Pakistan's nuclear missiles (which are mainly developed for us ... to be used when we finally cross the LOC and finally obilerate those mother fucking terrorist camps.)
Also, China illegally occupies Aksai Chin and has not given up claim over the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh.
So having a friend like China is like having a neighbor, who, after receiving an invitation from you for dinner and drinks, comes in and then occupies the door between his house and yours and then keeps claiming the area around your bar.
To put it in terms Pranab Mukherjee would understand:
China is like Rasgullas made from milk contaminated with lead.
To put it in terms the general population of India would understand:
China is like Amrish Puri in Ghayal. They pretend to be our friend, but are actually the ones who kidnapped and kill our family members.
To put it in Terms Sonia Gandhi would understand:
China Bad .... Dragon .... Fire ... Boom .... Chicken Manchurian give stomachache
Myth: Iran is a Friend
Iran is not a friend. Iran is like the "crazy uncle" we all know and hate.
Iran is what would happen if China and Pakistan mated.
Iran would never support us in a war with China or Pakistan. Or even with Bangaldesh.
Hell, Iran won't even support us in a bad Tom Clancy novel.
Myth: The US is a enemy
This is bullshit. Horse Manure. Really? The world's only superpower, who is ready to give us civilian nuclear power and integrate us into the Missile Defense Shield to protect our countries from maniacs in Pakistan and China?
Of course, the US would look out for their interest. Are they stupid not too? However, what they offer us, benefits both the countries. It benefits India more. And it is in the interest of the United States to develop it's relationship with India.
It is in the interest of both the countries to jointly fight terrorism in South-East Asia (pakistan) and around the world. It is in the interest of both countries to curtail the negative influence of China in Africa. It is in the interest of both countries to work together to solve the twin crises of Global Warming and the upcoming global food shortage.
Ok, they made a mistake with Iraq. Well, they are paying for it aren't they? Even if they are paying their own companies .... they're still paying? .... It's the thought that counts.
The left parties should stop acting like it's 1970 and the cold war is still on. Hellloooooo? There is no Soviet Union, by the way (and the Vodka from Russia sucks). So it's time to stop playing the populist game and actually do something for the country. For once, stop acting like a bad haired version of Hugo Chavez.
See the thing is, America and India are, now, for all intents and purposes, in a relationship. And so what if it's a little gay? Sometimes they're on top, and sometimes we are. It's fine. And they keep ignoring Pakistan's request for a blow job. As long as they do that, we're good.
And we never do things they request us to do, which we don't want to. Like we did not send troops to Iraq because well, they were busy protecting Mayawati from terrorist threats. Nor did we vote against Iran. So, as our good "friend" Nehru would say, "Why the fuck are you getting your knickers in a knot?"
So stop labeling the United States as a bully. They can't bully us. Hell, thanks to George Bush, they can't even bully Canada, now-a-days.
So I'm asking the left parties, to stop acting like headless chickens (oh.. i'll go there ...) and for once stop the idiotic statements and do what's best for the nation. Stop giving those knee jerk reactions. And for the love of Sweet Corn Soup, instead of being loyal to China, be loyal to the country you live in, India. After 5 years of fucking up the nation, you owe us that much, don't you?
It's time our government stopped acting like the actors in RGV ki Aag and start behaving with some intelligence. I know it's a lot to ask, but we can try can't we? If they don't our life will turn into an endless repeat of a Himesh (I'm about to puke) Reshyamiya movie.
Any government which thinks that China and Iran are our friends and the US needs to be told to bugger off, needs to stop smoking. Seriously.
Myth: China is a friend
Err... No. China is the major contributor to Pakistan's nuclear missiles (which are mainly developed for us ... to be used when we finally cross the LOC and finally obilerate those mother fucking terrorist camps.)
Also, China illegally occupies Aksai Chin and has not given up claim over the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh.
So having a friend like China is like having a neighbor, who, after receiving an invitation from you for dinner and drinks, comes in and then occupies the door between his house and yours and then keeps claiming the area around your bar.
To put it in terms Pranab Mukherjee would understand:
China is like Rasgullas made from milk contaminated with lead.
To put it in terms the general population of India would understand:
China is like Amrish Puri in Ghayal. They pretend to be our friend, but are actually the ones who kidnapped and kill our family members.
To put it in Terms Sonia Gandhi would understand:
China Bad .... Dragon .... Fire ... Boom .... Chicken Manchurian give stomachache
Myth: Iran is a Friend
Iran is not a friend. Iran is like the "crazy uncle" we all know and hate.
Iran is what would happen if China and Pakistan mated.
Iran would never support us in a war with China or Pakistan. Or even with Bangaldesh.
Hell, Iran won't even support us in a bad Tom Clancy novel.
Myth: The US is a enemy
This is bullshit. Horse Manure. Really? The world's only superpower, who is ready to give us civilian nuclear power and integrate us into the Missile Defense Shield to protect our countries from maniacs in Pakistan and China?
Of course, the US would look out for their interest. Are they stupid not too? However, what they offer us, benefits both the countries. It benefits India more. And it is in the interest of the United States to develop it's relationship with India.
It is in the interest of both the countries to jointly fight terrorism in South-East Asia (pakistan) and around the world. It is in the interest of both countries to curtail the negative influence of China in Africa. It is in the interest of both countries to work together to solve the twin crises of Global Warming and the upcoming global food shortage.
Ok, they made a mistake with Iraq. Well, they are paying for it aren't they? Even if they are paying their own companies .... they're still paying? .... It's the thought that counts.
The left parties should stop acting like it's 1970 and the cold war is still on. Hellloooooo? There is no Soviet Union, by the way (and the Vodka from Russia sucks). So it's time to stop playing the populist game and actually do something for the country. For once, stop acting like a bad haired version of Hugo Chavez.
See the thing is, America and India are, now, for all intents and purposes, in a relationship. And so what if it's a little gay? Sometimes they're on top, and sometimes we are. It's fine. And they keep ignoring Pakistan's request for a blow job. As long as they do that, we're good.
And we never do things they request us to do, which we don't want to. Like we did not send troops to Iraq because well, they were busy protecting Mayawati from terrorist threats. Nor did we vote against Iran. So, as our good "friend" Nehru would say, "Why the fuck are you getting your knickers in a knot?"
So stop labeling the United States as a bully. They can't bully us. Hell, thanks to George Bush, they can't even bully Canada, now-a-days.
So I'm asking the left parties, to stop acting like headless chickens (oh.. i'll go there ...) and for once stop the idiotic statements and do what's best for the nation. Stop giving those knee jerk reactions. And for the love of Sweet Corn Soup, instead of being loyal to China, be loyal to the country you live in, India. After 5 years of fucking up the nation, you owe us that much, don't you?
It's time our government stopped acting like the actors in RGV ki Aag and start behaving with some intelligence. I know it's a lot to ask, but we can try can't we? If they don't our life will turn into an endless repeat of a Himesh (I'm about to puke) Reshyamiya movie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)